Blast In A Can

Oh 28!!!

So I just turned 28. I still don’t know how I feel about that. I definitely do not feel any older, but I am a little terrified that I only have 2 years left before the big 3-0. My plan as of right now is to stay 28 for the next 7 years, but we’ll play it by ear. Since this year was my “lucky year,” I made sure I had a very memorable birthday celebration. By “lucky year” I mean my lucky number is 12 and this is 2012 and my birthday was 12/12/12, and you get the picture.

The Saturday before my birthday, I kicked off the weeklong celebration by meeting Rachel Ray and her husband, John Cusimano at a book signing. Along with my friend, Amanda, and I, my parents and cousin came. We arrived hours early to make sure we had a spot in the crowd, and it paid off. Our seats we close to the stage and the interview was hilarious. Those two reminded me of the old hecklers from The Muppets. After the Q&A we all filed upstairs to get our books signed.

Weeks prior to this event, Amanda and I hatched a plan to network with Rachel and her hubby. As you all know, I am a photographer on the side and my goal was to have them pass my card on to someone who would “discover” my talents. Well Amanda is a baker, and makes a really delicious cupcake, and her goal was to get Rachel Ray to fall in love with her cupcakes. Well as we were in line, we started getting nervous and doubting ourselves. We finally decided the way to move ahead was to offer them something from this exchange of cards. Amanda wrote on her card “Good for 1 dozen cupcakes.” I wrote on mine, “First order is free.” And then the moment of truth came along.

As I approached Rachel and John, they were nothing but giggles and smiles. She thanked me for coming out and asked me how I was. I responded: “I’m doing great! Thank you guys for coming down to Philly and starting off my birthday week with a bang.” As soon as I said birthday, both of their heads shot up from the table and in unison, they wished me happy birthday. Well that gave me the courage to give them my card. I told them both it was good one free order. They high fived each other and he put the card in his pocket while she tucked it into her blouse!

The next few days were a bit of a blur. Sunday, I have the family birthday party at Outback Steakhouse. Monday, I hung out with a few friends who were home for the holidays. Tuesday, I spent half the day with Mom going to visit our holistic doctor in Maryland. Wednesday was my actual birthday. I had the day off from work, and again I went out with my mom.

We went to the mall to do some shopping and get a massage. Also my teddy bear that also turned 28 on December 12 got re-stitched and re-stuffed at Build-A-Bear. Yes I still have my childhood bear, he’s my family heirloom. The ladies at Build-A-Bear sang me happy birthday as they stitched Ralph up. Mind you I am a 28 year old man and the store was filled with two year olds. I spent the rest of my birthday at home watching old black and white movies. Thursday was my recover-from-the-week-get-ready-for-the-weekend day! Then came Friday, I went out with my friend Joel and Carissa. It was an oddly tame night. Then again the real party was happening on Saturday night!!!

Since I am friends with many people in high places in Philadelphia, I was able to make a list of friends to get into the bar for free. It all started around 8:30. People were arriving one by one and the drinks were arriving two by two. Every bartender, bouncer, friend, and even the head manager of the club bought me a drink. Then the dancing started, and sadly, I had to retire my beloved Single Ladies. It’s been 3 years now and I figured since I am moving on with life it’s now time to move on with another dance.

As the night came to a close, I dropped everyone off at their respective dwellings. I had just dropped off my dear friend, Britney, and I stopped at 7/11 for some water because I was parched. Not even two seconds of pulling out of the parking lot, a cop pulls me over because I forgot to turn my headlights back on after I exited the store. I almost died!!! I’m not stupid, I know my limit and I knew I was OK to drive home safely. The officer asked me how many I had had. I responded with 3 and never changed my answer. He asked why I was out and I told him it was my birthday weekend. He asked, with a smile on his face, “Why are you driving if it’s your birthday?” I responded “I don’t know, but can you talk to my friends about that?” He laughed and asked me step out of the vehicle.

Mama always taught me to respect authority and that I do. The officer told me if I could pass his tests, he would let me go home and enjoy the rest of my night. Well first he had me pat my head and rub my stomach, thank you Kindergarten for teaching me that! Then he asked me to balance on one foot for 5 seconds and then the other for another 5. Done! I have impeccable balance. He then asked me to walk the line, in my head I was humming Johnny Cash’s song and you know what? I walked the line like I was a pro gymnast walking on the balance beam. Then he said “OK one last thing. Without singing I want you to say your ABC’s D-S.” I responded “Yes Sir D-S.” He chuckled and I sang A-B-C in my head and proceeded to say D-S without any problem.

This guy knew I was good to go, but to be on the safe side he called his friend in who was another officer. When that officer arrived he made me follow the pen with my eyes not my head. I nailed it! I was so good at it the second officer said “Why are you so good at this?” I said “Sir, you’re the one that asked me to do this; I’m just doing what you said.” They both knew I was OK, but they had one last test for me.

The first responding officer dropped a penny on the ground and told me to pick it up and I can go home. Well around 7pm earlier that night I had just seen a YouTube clip with the same scenario except the drunk bent over and face planted into the pavement. So remembering this, I squatted down, grabbed the penny and handed it to the officer. He then told me “I told you to bend over and pick it up.” I replied “Sir everyone knows when you are picking something up you bend with the knees not the back.” Both officers chuckled and they told me to get home safe. They then handed me back my license and registration and wished me a happy birthday and then I did the unthinkable. I HUGGED THE OFFICERS AND THANKED THEM FOR LETTING ME GO!!! I got back in my car, questioned my life’s direction, and drove home.

Sober enough to pass all the tests; drunk enough to hug the officers!!!

NOW THAT WAS A BLAST IN A CAN!!!