Hurt

Remember that selfless act I did for you a few years ago? I do. Just because I did that for you does not mean the words and jokes still don't send a stabbing pain through my heart every time I hear you say them.

Why I Support HIV/AIDS Awareness

Picture it. Freshman year of college I took a mandatory world view class. This class was amazing I developed my own world view without lies or the omitting of facts. I went to private school Pre-K – senior year. My parents paid so much money for a “good” education. I endured so much heartache for a “good” education. I was top of my class, and had great grades. I was never prepared for what college had in store for me. My high school math teacher had taught us centimeters were the slashes in between the inch marks on a ruler…never once did he tell reference the metric ruler. I was humiliated when I answered that question in my freshman math class…so humiliated I dropped the class.  Throughout my college life I realized the only teachers who ever taught us the right/proper material were my history, Spanish, and English teacher. The rest I guess never cared to teach us properly or to teach us the truth.

Anyway, my venting has gotten me way off track.  So, back to this world view class, in this class I met my best friend, and others I know will be life-long friends. One day we were discussing the origin of HIV/AIDS, and the professor asked if anyone knew where AIDS began. Being confident in my answer, because that’s what was taught to me, ingrained in me throughout my high school years, I raised my hand to answer. As soon as my answer came out of my mouth and my friends’ faces turn I knew I was wrong. The entire class laughed at me except for one girl…who sadly was also taught the same thing. I was called racist, homophobe, dumb, and gullible. I felt my face flush and my palms began to sweat. I was so embarrassed, but still had no clue as to why I was wrong. The professor calmed everyone down, and looked at me and asked if I actually believed my statement. I said “Well, that’s what I was taught.”

My answer was “AIDS came from African gay men who slept with monkeys and spread it to fellow villagers.” Embarrassing right? Well this was the stuff I was taught in private school. I now know the truth. I wish private school did not “protect” us from the world, but educated us on the truth. No wonder people think Christians are crazy. One man teaching his opinion can change a person’s world view and make them look like a horrible person even though they are just naïve. As a continuation of the class, each student had to do a form of community service. We all, with the professor’s guidance, chose to work at MANNA.

MANNA is an organization that prepares and delivers meals to AIDS victims around the wonderful city of Philadelphia. I spent a semester making salads, sandwiches, and countless dinners. I educated myself on the virus, and met so many wonderful people who were (to me at the time) perfectly normal. I was always taught HIV/AIDS was a horrible disease, and if you had it you were a horrible person who did something horrible to be punished by such a violent disease. Don’t get me wrong it is a horrible, horrible disease, but the people who have it did not do something horrible to deserve this. All the people I have met are wonderful, sweet people. It saddens me that people judge the victims and not the disease. It’s just like cancer, no one asks for it. Most of the time it comes out of a situation that is completely selfless like, giving birth or having a blood transfusion.

The reason I support the cause is, because when I thought about all those alumni who graduated from my school who went out into the world completely uneducated and have in their mind a hatred for those who are HIV+ just like I once did, I want to spread education about the virus to those who know nothing about it and with their judgments they hurt the victims even more than they suffer already.

In reference to this article I suggest you all watch the movie, Philadelphia. Check out the 13^th and 14^th episodes in the February “Primetime: What Would You Do?” Check out your local volunteer station, or visit http://www.mannapa.org/. Please, Please EDUCATE YOURSELF BEFORE YOU MAKE ASSUMPTION.

Remember: A condom doesn’t kill you. Don’t be a fool; wrap your tool.

With Love,

Steve

That Smile

So I have finally found my muse in life. It is this perfect smile! I mean, Mona Lisa’s Smile is nothing compared to this one. Just thinking about it brings a tear to my eye, brightens my day, and magically makes me start singing The Carpenter’s “On Top Of the World!” Cheesy? Maybe, but my racing heart says otherwise. A picture does this smile absolutely no justice.

To see this amazing feature in person fills me with polar opposite emotions. I want to laugh and jump for joy because its mine right now, right then and there in the present!!! Yet at the same time I want to cry because I am scared to death it will go away and I may never see it again. The greatest moments are when I look up and can see it smiling at me from across the room.

I was always convinced that infatuation was not for me. It’s not that I am too good for infatuation; I just believed I did not deserve it. So in turn I put up a wall. Well I guess I was wrong! This infatuation not only pulled me out of my dull drums, but has put a permanent smile on my face. It gives me a reason to pop out of bed in the morning. It makes me laugh harder than I already do. That smile makes life so much more livable! You know who you are, and I just want to say thanks friend for brightening my day…everyday!!!

Sadly my muse has now left my life. Every once in a while I will see it in passing. In fact, I saw it the other night. My heart still skips a beat when I see it and I think of wonderful memories. Do I miss it? No, but I wish I did.

Come In and Know Me Better!

Here are just a few background facts that will give you some insight on who I am, my individuality, and what to expect as you read on.

1. My favorite color is green. (Like in the grass or my eyes)
2. I love the circus!
3. I say my favorite book is Angels & Demons.
4. My actual all-time favorite book is Green Eggs and Ham
5. My favorite movie is The Goonies.
6. My favorite musical is Grease.
7. My favorite old movie is Meet Me in St. Louis.
8. My favorite Disney character is Stitch.
9. I am a Twi-hard!
10. I am a Gleek!
11. My favorite TV show of all time is FRIENDS.
12. I believe everyone has the ability to overcome anything if they just tried.
13. I believe if you can’t admit you’re wrong at times, you will live a very lonely life.
14. Matt Damon is my favorite actor.
15. I am a Born Again Christian and proud of it!
16. I love Iced Tea.
17. My favorite candy is Sweet Tarts.
18. My favorite chocolate candy is Snickers.
19. My favorite quote is “Smile it increases your face value!” –Miss Truvy
20. My life verse is Philippians 4:13.
21. Judy Garland is my favorite actress.
22. Midnight Train to Georgia is my all time favorite song!!!
23. I believe if you can’t laugh at yourself there is no reason for us to be friends.
24. Nothing makes me laugh harder then a person or myself falling down.
25. I admire Betty White and would like to meet her.
26. I believe if you get the death penalty, you should be put to death in the same style you killed in.
27. I believe the one true Judge is God, so chill and let my Father do His job.
28. I have always dreamt of being a trapeze artist.
29. I suffer from extreme optimism.
30. I have an awesome past that made me who I am today!
31. I truly have no regrets. Everything happens for a reason right?
32. I am a world traveler.
33. I have amazing legs!!!
34. I have met a bunch of celebrities and still get super nervous each time I do so.
35. Once upon a time I did stand-up under the alias Tibias James.
36. My nicknames are Bogie, Steve-Steve, Wombat, Polar Bear, and Papa Steve.
37. I have three best friends.
38. I hug battered women!!!
39. I am a lover not a fighter, unless you really get under my skin.
40. I hate Jersey Shore, but I watch every episode.
41. I visit the Jersey Shore every summer.
42. I rock Proud Mary, Midnight Train, and Favorite Things at karaoke.
43. I make new friends everywhere I go.
44. I speak English, Spanish, French, and know Sign.
45. I am a bookworm. I have enough books to fill a personal library. I am only 26.
46. Books, CDs, and DVDs are the only things I do not share.
47. I am obsessive compulsive when it comes to thing being orderly or clean.
48. I could totally be a CIA agent.
49. I can list all the Presidents in consecutive order in 10 seconds.
50. I rock at life!!!

Oh, The People I've Met Part I

As many of you know, I love entertainment!!! I love most everything about it! The glitz, the glam, the skipping of a heartbeat when you walk into a theater to see a new movie or a play; I love it all. Throughout my young life I have had the privilege to meet quite a few famous people. No matter what “list” they are in I still get giddy just because I am meeting one celeb. Their name is recognized therefore I adore them. When I met these people, not only did my breathing get heavy, and my palms start sweating, I was just filled with the joy of getting to meet one person I look up to or enjoy the products of their career. (Except Danny Bonaduce, he was a douche bag!!!) So far I have been able to compose myself around them. I do have to admit I blushed a little too much when I met Tina Fey. I also went weak in the knees when I met Aisha Tyler (because I’m such a huge, HUGE FRIENDS fan!!!).  I trembled so much when I met Mark Wahlberg that he told me to calm down. And, yes, I shed an instant tear of joy when I met Monica Potter, I have always loved her. Now here is the list of those famous people I have met, hopefully I will be able to add onto my list and keep entertaining myself. Now if I can get Miss Betty White on this list, my life may just be complete!!!

1)      Bryce Dallas Howard (Actress)

2)      M. Knight Shyamalan (Director)

3)      Mark Wahlberg (Actor)

4)      Greg Kinnear (Actor)

5)      Cheri Oteri (Actress)

6)      Monica Potter (Actress)

7)      Elizabeth Banks (Actress)

8)      Sarah Gruen (Author)

9)      Tina Fey (Actress)

10)   Pattie Smith (Singer)

11)   Jennifer Coolege (Actress)

12)   Chelsea Handler (Comedienne)

13)   Danny Bonaduce (Actor)

14)   Angelina from Jersey Shore (Actress)

15)   Aisha Tyler (Comedienne)

16)   Mike Huckabee (Presidential Candidate)

17)   Chad Michael Murray (Actor)

18)   Balkin Beat Boxers (Band)

19)   Scott Silveri (Screen Writer)

20)   The Hoppers ( Christian Band)

21)   The Hunts (Christian Band)

22)   Lt. Dan Choi (Activist)

23)   Kat Deluna (Singer)

24)   Katie Couric (News Anchor)

25)   Al Roker (News Anchor)

26)   Matt Lauer (News Anchor)

27)   Toni Yates (News Anchor)

28)   Chad Pardeli (News Anchor)

29)   Enrique Iglesias (Singer) –High-Fived Him At A Concert

30)   T-Vice (Haitian Band)

31)   Anthony Rapp (Broadway Performer)

32)   Jessica Simpson (Singer)

33)   Bill Robinson (Baseball Player)

34)   Derek Jeeter (Baseball Player)

35)   Chase Utley (Baseball Player)

36)   Kinsey Rose (Country Singer)

37)   Jared Allman (Reality Star)

38)   John Lithgow (Actor)
39)  Vince Papalli (Football Player)

Now this list is just a teaser of some crazy stories that lie ahead. Not all will be talked about, but I will regale with a few of my favorites; like making a friend cry when I took her to meet her idol, or freaking out one of my favorite celebs with my babbling, and maybe I’ll tell you the hilarious background story of how I met Jared Allman.

The Dance of the Free Drinks

It was December ’08, at my 24^th birthday party, when I first heard of the song that would get me more free drinks then one can count. I stepped out to talk to my friends who were outside smoking. Ryan was telling us of this “new amazing music video,” and how it’s the best new song of the year and will win awards in the future. I told him I would look it up later.

When I got home from the night of partying I did what I promised and although the song was catchy, I didn’t feel anything special for it. A few months went by and one Saturday while out with my twins, they started cracking up and told me they had a story for me. Earlier that week they went to their younger brother’s high school talent show and he and two friends did the dance to the song Ryan had told me about back in December. I laughed picturing the performance.

About a month after hearing about Michael’s performance, I was at an O’Malley family gathering…drinking of course. I saw Michael and asked him to teach me the choreography. He tried, really hard, but nothing was sinking into my brain. After that night I was suddenly determined to perfect the dance.

After a year of practicing the moves I finally got it!!! I was ready to do it in public. Some friends and I hit up Fado, and amazing Irish pub in Philly, and we hit the dance floor hard. I requested the song I wanted and when it started playing, I cleared a place on the floor for my awesome moves. I rocked it hard and I rocked it good! So good my friend bought a round of shots for the group and three other strangers complimented me and bought me a drink.

It’s been over a year since I first danced my hear t out to the song and I have done it everywhere countless times. I’ve done it in hotel lobbies, clubs, dive bars, street corners, parties, my shower, even once in the church parking lot. I have no shame. Today, my friends still love when I do it.

Just last week I did it on a dance floor in Nashville…the country folk loved it!!! Every single time I have done it I got free drinks from the bartenders or the people in the venue. I did it on stage at Fado and was comped the whole night. I did it at a wedding and was cheered (I hope the bride didn’t mind). I once got a free night stay in Atlantic City Resorts Hotel because I mimicked the performer at one of their stage shows. I know every DJ in a six block radius in Philly. The week before last I did it for the umpteenth time at Sharky’s (an awesome dive bar in Jersey) and when I was finished my favorite bartender, Betty brought over three car bombs for me. One was from the girls at the end of the bar, another from the couple that dared me to do it, and one from a guy who “said he was my uncle.” Yes, my Uncle Larry was in the crowd and I don’t think he was ever so proud/embarrassed I was his nephew. Hahahaha!!!

The song I am referring to as The Dance of the Free Drinks is indeed SINGLE LADIES by: BEYONCE.

I told you in the first blog I like to be spontaneous and I dance to the beat of my own drum. Continue to follow my blog for the story of how I taught a burlesque dancer the Single Ladies dance…and later performed it with her.

Shoes

As many of you know I do not believe in buying shoes worth more the $20, but do you know the reason behind my belief?

High school sucks for most people, but I really had a hard time. Did I have great times? Of course I did. Was high school damaging? Yes, but who hasn’t been damaged by high school? Unlike other people, I did not peak in high school. I knew I would escape and make something of my life.

Now that we are off topic let me get back to the story:

Picture it. It’s the eighth grade, beginning of the second semester. One Saturday I was out shopping with my Mom, and on account of having good grades and great behavior my Mom decided to treat me to the new Nike basketball sneakers. They were amazing! I couldn’t wait to show them off to all my friends. Well Monday finally came around and I brought my new sneaks in and locked them up in my locker till gym class. If you were wondering why I did not wear them to school, I went to private school and had to wear a uniform.

I got along with most of the guys in my class, but had a real hard time with the older guys and the guy a grade below me. I knew every single person by name at my school, and was one of the nicest guys enrolled, and also a teacher’s pet; so naturally people didn’t like me. I loved/hated gym class. It was a time to chill out and play around, but I dreaded the locker room. I used to get beat up on a weekly basis. A punch here, a kick there, a slur everywhere by sophomore year it became so bad, my gym teacher had to stand in the locker room till I was done getting dressed. Of course this added to the torment, but I don’t think I ever told Mr. Eller how grateful I was for him watching out for me.

So back to the story, lunch was just about over and gym was only minutes away. After I cleaned off my spot at the table, I made my way to the locker room. The first thing I saw was my lock was broken and my gym bag was gone! I looked everywhere for it and finally found it. I found my gym uniform soaked and strewn across the shower floor and in the corner I saw my new duffle ripped apart, zipper broken and also soaked. Inside were my brand new shoes drenched in spit, urine, and what looked like streaks of semen. I was so angry, sad, and disgusted at the same time I didn’t know what to do. I picked up my clothes and realized they were also drenched in piss. Angrily I threw them into my bag, collected my belongings and walked out of the locker room and straight to the bathroom. I never let them see me cry, although I knew I was about to burst at any second.

The bathroom was “closed for cleaning.” I didn’t care, I knew the janitor and he was cool. I burst through the doors, tears now streaming down my face. I forcefully stuffed the entire duffle into the trash can. Mr. Willis came running over; he was only two stalls away. He asked me “What’s the matter?” as he pulled my bag out of the trash can. As I was scrubbing my hands to get the stench and germs off of them, I told him everything. I believe this is the point in my life when my cleanliness OCD began. He tried to convince me I could just was everything and it will be alright. I yelled, “No, because everyone will know.” He begged me a few times to think about the situation before I threw my possessions away. I told him my mind was set and that was that. I stuffed it back into the trash can and with tears in his eyes Mr. Willis tied up the bag and took it to the dumpster for me. On the way he dropped me off at the principal’s office.

Before I went to talk to Mr. Hobbs, the school secretary let me call my Mom. While waiting for my Mom to arrive I again rehashed the last twenty minutes and explained the situation to my principal. I call my Mom, Mama Bear because she is always there to protect her cubs. I wasn’t even done telling Mr. Hobbs what had happened when she came barging in.

Mom was up to bat, yelling and crying, and out for blood…I mean justice. The only explanation my principal had to offer was “Boys will be boys.” Furious that this was the only thing he had to offer, Mom ran to Mr. Willis and Mr. Eller. All three of them stopped what they were doing and jumped into the dumpster to look for my stuff. I stood there begging them to stop. I told them no matter if they found them or not, I still was NOT going to wear them ever again.

At that moment Mr. Willis found them and they hopped out. He gave the bag to Mom and I took her and told her not to worry, I was going to be fine. I walked back over to the dumpster and dropped it in. With tears in my eyes I asked my Mom to take me home. She did and at that very moment I vowed never to buy a pair of shoes more then $20, because they were only going to wear out and there was no point in wasting that money.

Well cut to eleven years later, and Adidas comes out with these amazing, light weight, blue sneaks with these awesome zigzags on the sole. After an entire decade of cheap shoes, and obviously not getting over the torture of that day, I decided I am going to check them out. As soon as I tried them on, a wave a relief and empowerment came over me. I am an adult now and do not take any crap from anybody. Why should I keep this wound open? With the swipe of my little green card, I became the owner of a $90 pair of amazing running shoes. Not only did I finally seal up a deep wound with this purchase, I also gave a metaphoric “screw you” to the jackasses who tortured me in high school.

That’s my story, just thought I would share it with you…and get it off my chest after eleven years!!!

November 4th

Five years ago today I hit rock bottom; I hit it so hard I bruised my ass. Twenty-one years old, and my life was in shambles. I had quit school, quit my job, and partied hard…too hard! If it weren’t for my parents, I have no clue where I would be or if I’d even still be.

     November 4, 2006. After partying all night I stumbled into my apartment around 5am. Being OCD, I knew something was wrong. Something/s were out of place…missing. As I scanned my room I noticed DVDs, CDs, my stereo, and laptop were gone. The door was not broken into and all the windows were intact. I had used my laptop just hours before, listened to my stereo as I was getting ready for a night out. Drunk and all hopped up, I called the police. I put in a report, and as I was talking to them I felt like an ass. I’m intoxicated and giving a report to the police. What the hell was I thinking??? After the police left around 6am, I called my parents to tell them I was robbed. An hour later they were knocking on my door. They came all the way from Jersey in the early a.m. to check on me.

     I still reeked of the night before. Were they disappointed in me? Oh yeah, but they had no idea what was in store for them once they got into my apartment. As I was taking a shower my mom, being always on guard, and wonderfully intrusive, started questioning me. I was stupid; I expected this after we got into my place. They had found months of unpaid bills, no food in the cabinets, loads of dirty laundry in my room. After all the questioning I broke down and let the rents know I also took the semester off and quit my job and spent all my money on booze, clubs, and a certain substance.

     I was so embarrassed and heartbroken over breaking their hearts. At that moment I was humiliated and couldn’lt look them in the eye. Actually it took me three whole months before I looked them in the eyes again. Within 3 hours of them arriving, Dad had rented a U-Haul and Mom went to settle my bills. They got me out of my lease, and had me all packed up and headed home in three hours.

     I am a strong, very intelligent man, and my friends and I used to swear we would stop partying when we could no longer pay our bills. I missed that mark by two months. It was the quietest drive I have ever been on. I didn’t say anything to my parents for three whole months besides yes, no, thank you, please, and hi. I was so humble and so humiliated.

     Within a month I had a new job, and was bringing in money. I stopped abusing myself cold turkey that November day. After work one day (a month later) I took my car to the car wash. As I was cleaning I found a crumpled receipt under my front chair. It was a pawn shop receipt dated late night November 3, 2006. On the receipt was listed everything that went missing from my apt. At the bottom of the receipt I saw a signature that made me see red!!! Inscribed on the bottom of that slip was the name “Junior M.” my friend, my boy’s signature was right there in front of me. I was out with him that night. He ran out to get more supplies, so I stayed with his wife and our friends, while I lent him my car. Being my friend and all I just tossed him my car keys…the house keys were on the same ring. I stopped right in my tracks, and sped up to his apt. I went crazy. Yelling, screaming, crying, how could he do this to me? He played dumb until I pulled the receipt out. Then I didn’t have to do a single thing…his wife beat the crap out of him!!! I left that day and never saw those two again. A few months ago I heard he had passed due to a concoction of heroin and cocaine, and his wife moved back to New York to be with her family.

     Lost. Humiliated. Deceived. I was broken, and that’s when I realized I never wanted my old life back ever again. I vowed that day, on the lonely ride back to my parents house, that I would no longer throw my life away and that I would live my life to the fullest, and that I have done. In this blog you will be reading the true, raw, un-edited, un-exaggerated stories of my life after hitting rock bottom. I’ve met some pretty amazing people, traveled to some pretty amazing place, and have so many hilarious, sad, crazy stories to share with you. You’ll hear about my friend and I drinking 40s with 2 bums on a stoop in Philly exchanging life stories, a dance I do to get free drinks, befriending an old lady who once played for the Women’s Professional Baseball League, and even about me teaching a burlesque dancer new moves, and later dancing with her on stage. But, all that is for another time. Sit back and buckle your safety belts because this is going to be one heck of a ride. Believe me, this is my life!!!

-Steve

P.S. November 4, 2011 is my five year anniversary being clean from cocaine. I stopped it cold turkey and never went back. Yes this may make you want to judge me, you may be ashamed of me, but I don’t care this little bump in the road of my life has made me the man I am today. I have no regrets. There is no point living in the past…just learn from it and move forward.