EMS Field Guide

1. Sick people don’t complain.

2. If you drop the baby, fake a seizure.

3. The patient’s has the emergency not you.

4. All rhythms will eventually change to one you know how to treat.

5. Pray your partner is not stupid.

6. The more stuff you see on an EMT’s belt, the newer they are.

7. All bleeding will eventually stop.

8. No matter what you do, all people will eventually die.

9. When your unsure what is wrong with the patient remember the ambulance has wheels.

10. It is not unprofessional to puke with your patient.

11. You will get caught sleeping.

12. The only time you will have to fart is when your in the elevator with your patient.

13. If someone is pointing a gun at you- outrun your partner.

14. Never tell dispatch were to go, they will send you there.

15. If it felt good to tell off the patient, nurse or supervisor, it was the wrong thing to say and you will pay for it.

16. Try not to be more drunk then the patient.

17. If the patient looks sick, they are sick.

18. Try not to say “holy crap” when approaching a trauma patient.

19. If I must get up, then everybody gets up.

20. Better the other crew than you.

21. Always save the patient.... from the fire department.

22. If your scared to enter- send your partner.

23. DON’T WAIT TO PEE.

24. Always give violent patients O2.........bottle across the head.

25. No matter if you were across the street- you will hear “what took you so long.”

26. If you must hold them down....stop CPR.

27. The stereo must be always be louder then the siren.

28. Paramedics do not save lives, they only postpone the inevitable.

29. You can’t fix stupid.

30. If it’s wet and sticky and not yours, DONT TOUCH IT.

31. You call, we haul.

32. Most patients are healthier than you.

33. Being in EMS means you celebrate holidays- on duty.

34. When driving your ambulance really fast, remember it was built by the lowest bidder.

35. Never get into an ambulance with someone braver than you.

36. If it’s stupid but works, it’s not stupid.

37. Always know when to get out of dodge, and how.

38. It’s easier to beg for forgiveness than to get permission.

39. Always trust your bad feelings.

40. The man with the gun is always in charge.

41. If you respond to a wreck after midnight and don’t find a drunk, keep
looking you have missed them.

42. A tourniquet around the neck will cure the patient.

43. The dead never get worse.

44. If it looks like you might get dirty let your partner do it.

45. For every ALS skill you learn you forget a BLS one.

46. Death is a stabilization of the patients condition.

47. Training is learning the rules, experience is learning the exceptions.

48. “ Poke and hope” another term for blind sticking.

49. When it comes to needles it is better to give than to receive.

50. Most of your patients will survive, no matter what you do.

51. Paramedics save lives... EMT's save Paramedics