Nikki

Have you ever met someone with so much potential, but zero hope?

I’ll never forget the day I met Nikki. I was on the back pavement having a White Trash Party. It really wasn’t a party it was just me, Tiffany, Marie, Flick, and Ahab. We were so broke and the weather was so nice we decided to hang outside. The party entailed a table we found in the dumpster, extension cords hanging from my 2^nd story window to plug in the CD player and margarita blender, and we had a foot tall grill and we BBQ-ed hot dogs and burger as we played poker while sitting on random beach chairs…white trash!!! Ok back to my story. As we were playing a round of poker, we started to hear a rumbling of sorts coming from the 3^rd story apartment.

The more we listened, the more we realized it was our neighbors having some rough sex. Being so mature in our early 20’s we listened in and giggled as we played our hand. Well at one point we began to hear the female moaning louder and louder till it turned into a scream. Our laugher is gaining momentum, we are a couple margaritas in and the church giggles were coming. Then out of nowhere the female screamed “Not in my ass! Not in my ass! Take it out!!! (after a second passed which he most likely took it out) I GOTTA GO BAFROOM!!!” Margaritas were spit out and the laugher was uncontrollable!!! We were dying laughing till this day I don’t think I’ve ever laughed that hard. Then we heard the toilet flush and its set us off into a fit of crazed, pee-your-pants laughter.

A few minutes passed and this beautiful mixed girl comes out the door to smoke a cigarette. We sat there staring in awe. With a huge smile on her face she walked up to us and said “Hi. I’m Nikki; I’m your new neighbor.” She was ballsy and I liked it. Next thing you know her and her boyfriend John joined the white trash party.

We used to have so much fun before she introduced me to coke. Hell we used to have so much fun while we were sniffing our choice drug. We promised once we stopped paying bills we would stop the drugs. If you read my first blog you know that I held up my end of the bargain. Sadly she did not and the heroin took full control of her life. She got clean for a few months when she and John were broken up. When he came back into the picture he began to abuse and prostituting her out to feed his own addiction.

Within a month she was back to the addiction.  A few years passed and I left the old apartments and got myself clean, she called me to tell me she was preggo. The first thing I asked was if she was clean. She had been clean for 3 months and was 4 months pregnant. She gave birth to two beautiful boys and I became their godfather. They were a beautiful product of a relationship in turmoil. They got the best parts of their Dad and Mom.

I begged her to keep clean for the safety of the children and also because I knew taking the godfather role would mean I would have the kids God forbid, if anything happened to them. Well about a year ago John was rushed to the hospital because he speed balled and gave himself a heart attack. I always keeping in touch, yet keeping my distance was right there by Nikki’s side taking care of the kids, comforting her, and visiting John.

One day after work I came up for a visit and I walked in and she was sleeping at the table, the kids were crying and her hand was three times its size. The bitch was high again!!! She was doing so well. I have to confess I became an enabler for about a month. I babysat the kids so she could go and get high. I was doing it to protect them not to feed her addiction but it was a lose-lose deal.

One night went out to dinner and took the kids to see John. I walked the kids to the cafeteria to grab snacks and to give Nikki and John some private time. When the kids and I came back we saw all the nurses running into his room. My heart sank. At the time he was only working on 15% of his heart. I picked the kids up and ran to his room. He wasn’t dead, but the bastard shot himself up and all the monitors went off. I was fuming. Nikki was high crying, and John was nodding back in.

That night I cut off ties with them and told them if anything happened to notify me and I would raise the kids. A few months after that night John again shot himself up and his heart exploded killing him instantly. I consoled Nikki over the phone as I fought back tears. Tears of sadness for losing a friend, tears for my god kids losing their father, tears for my friend for losing her husband, tears for a life wasted.

After his funeral I gave all my information to Nikki’s mom and sister and told them I had to get away from this mess for my own safety, and to call me if anything happens to Nikki because I always keep a promise. Months and months passed and no word from her. I constantly thought about her and the boys, but I had to do what I had to do.

Last week I got a call from a PA number, and I knew it was her. I could feel it. I picked up the phone and a nurse’s voice was on the other line. She explained to me that whatever kind of heroin she’s been using gave her a blood disease. The neighbors call the cops two days prior because the heard the kids crying and he screaming out my name over and over again. The nurse further explained to me that she had been asking for me the past two days. The nurse asked if it was OK for me to talk with her. I of course said yes.

After 10 minutes of talking to her I knew something was wrong. She was even loopier than her normal high self. She told me she missed me and begged me to hold up my end of the deal if anything happened to her. Whatever blood disease she has completely took over her nervous system and seriously fucked with her mentality. I told her I would keep my promise, and not to worry, but fight for her life.

I called her sister the very next day and she said she had been raising the boys for months now and had no idea where Nikki had been.  I’m nervous, but I know I could take them on, no problem. I love Nikki very much I just hate that she doesn’t love herself like her loved ones love her. I can feel her life slipping away and I pray that there is still a chance she can turn it around. I talk to her every night for an hour each night and I can hear it in her voice.

As time goes by we shall see what will happen and see how my life will change. I wish her the best, because I love her to death.