November 4th

Five years ago today I hit rock bottom; I hit it so hard I bruised my ass. Twenty-one years old, and my life was in shambles. I had quit school, quit my job, and partied hard…too hard! If it weren’t for my parents, I have no clue where I would be or if I’d even still be.

     November 4, 2006. After partying all night I stumbled into my apartment around 5am. Being OCD, I knew something was wrong. Something/s were out of place…missing. As I scanned my room I noticed DVDs, CDs, my stereo, and laptop were gone. The door was not broken into and all the windows were intact. I had used my laptop just hours before, listened to my stereo as I was getting ready for a night out. Drunk and all hopped up, I called the police. I put in a report, and as I was talking to them I felt like an ass. I’m intoxicated and giving a report to the police. What the hell was I thinking??? After the police left around 6am, I called my parents to tell them I was robbed. An hour later they were knocking on my door. They came all the way from Jersey in the early a.m. to check on me.

     I still reeked of the night before. Were they disappointed in me? Oh yeah, but they had no idea what was in store for them once they got into my apartment. As I was taking a shower my mom, being always on guard, and wonderfully intrusive, started questioning me. I was stupid; I expected this after we got into my place. They had found months of unpaid bills, no food in the cabinets, loads of dirty laundry in my room. After all the questioning I broke down and let the rents know I also took the semester off and quit my job and spent all my money on booze, clubs, and a certain substance.

     I was so embarrassed and heartbroken over breaking their hearts. At that moment I was humiliated and couldn’lt look them in the eye. Actually it took me three whole months before I looked them in the eyes again. Within 3 hours of them arriving, Dad had rented a U-Haul and Mom went to settle my bills. They got me out of my lease, and had me all packed up and headed home in three hours.

     I am a strong, very intelligent man, and my friends and I used to swear we would stop partying when we could no longer pay our bills. I missed that mark by two months. It was the quietest drive I have ever been on. I didn’t say anything to my parents for three whole months besides yes, no, thank you, please, and hi. I was so humble and so humiliated.

     Within a month I had a new job, and was bringing in money. I stopped abusing myself cold turkey that November day. After work one day (a month later) I took my car to the car wash. As I was cleaning I found a crumpled receipt under my front chair. It was a pawn shop receipt dated late night November 3, 2006. On the receipt was listed everything that went missing from my apt. At the bottom of the receipt I saw a signature that made me see red!!! Inscribed on the bottom of that slip was the name “Junior M.” my friend, my boy’s signature was right there in front of me. I was out with him that night. He ran out to get more supplies, so I stayed with his wife and our friends, while I lent him my car. Being my friend and all I just tossed him my car keys…the house keys were on the same ring. I stopped right in my tracks, and sped up to his apt. I went crazy. Yelling, screaming, crying, how could he do this to me? He played dumb until I pulled the receipt out. Then I didn’t have to do a single thing…his wife beat the crap out of him!!! I left that day and never saw those two again. A few months ago I heard he had passed due to a concoction of heroin and cocaine, and his wife moved back to New York to be with her family.

     Lost. Humiliated. Deceived. I was broken, and that’s when I realized I never wanted my old life back ever again. I vowed that day, on the lonely ride back to my parents house, that I would no longer throw my life away and that I would live my life to the fullest, and that I have done. In this blog you will be reading the true, raw, un-edited, un-exaggerated stories of my life after hitting rock bottom. I’ve met some pretty amazing people, traveled to some pretty amazing place, and have so many hilarious, sad, crazy stories to share with you. You’ll hear about my friend and I drinking 40s with 2 bums on a stoop in Philly exchanging life stories, a dance I do to get free drinks, befriending an old lady who once played for the Women’s Professional Baseball League, and even about me teaching a burlesque dancer new moves, and later dancing with her on stage. But, all that is for another time. Sit back and buckle your safety belts because this is going to be one heck of a ride. Believe me, this is my life!!!

-Steve

P.S. November 4, 2011 is my five year anniversary being clean from cocaine. I stopped it cold turkey and never went back. Yes this may make you want to judge me, you may be ashamed of me, but I don’t care this little bump in the road of my life has made me the man I am today. I have no regrets. There is no point living in the past…just learn from it and move forward.