Represent!!!

Hello Followers,

I need your help!!! My new friends, Sarah and Kelly, work for Three Olives Vodka -Philadelphia. They are in a contest between stupid San Diego and I think Chicago. Go "like" their fan page and help Philly rise above!!! https://www.facebook.com/#!/ThreeOlivesPhiladelphia

COME ON PHILLY PHANS THIS MAY NOT BE A SPORTS TEAM, BUT ITS STILL A TEAM REPRESENTING OUR WONDERFUL CITY!!! GO VOTE!!!

With Love,
Steve

Amber...Was the Color of My Energy

Have you ever been head over heels in love? Have you ever known without a doubt that you found the one you were going to grow old with? Once upon a time I was in love, and I knew I was going to grow old with her…my Amber.

We met at a summer camp in North Carolina in sixth grade. She was in my sister camp. We met during an air hockey tournament, the second night of the stay. It was me versus a girl named, Angie, Amber’s best friend. We were tied 4 to 4 so far and Amber snuck to my side and began taunting me. I get really into air hockey for some reason…I must get it from my mom. My “trademark” while playing air hockey is, I kick my leg out every time I hit the puck. (I don’t know why. I just do.) I love to get into a game, heckle people, and get heckled.  I eventually won the game and went over to shake my opponent’s hand. On the way across the room, Amber tripped me, I stumbled and she laughed. I shook Angie’s hand and she in turn introduced me to Amber. All it took was one “Hi.” In her southern accent and I was hooked!

The three of us went to get a snack at the snack shop after the game, and being totally oblivious to each other’s purchase, we all bought the same snack, Runts and water. We walked over to the look out on the other side of the snack shack, and then being not-so-normal people, we ripped open our boxes and sorted the candy by fruit…and then trade each other for the ones we liked. To this day I remember Angie took all the bananas, I had all the limes, and Amber had all the strawberries. While we sat and snacked, we got to know each other. They were both from Florida and had been friends since they were knee high. We were all the same age and all in sixth grade. I don’t remember the full conversation, but I do remember a lot of laughter.

After our powwow, we went back to our cabins to get ready for dinner. A couple hours passed and we rendezvoused at the mess hall. Since they were in my sister cabin, their table was right across from mine. I could not take my eyes off of Amber; she was just so damn beautiful. She had perfectly tan skin, long flowing jet black hair, the reddest lips (without lipstick), and her eyes were perfectly round with brown and honey irises…I got lost in them a few times over the years. After prayer and dinner was served, I tried to get her attention, but she was too into a conversation with a girl beside her.

I kept noticing Amber and the other girl looking at me, smiling, and then going back to their conversation. A few minutes passed and the girl, Amber was talking to approached me. She introduced herself, her name was Ashley and she was Amber’s older sister. In front of all the guys at the table she asked me, “Do think Amber is cute?” I in turn replied, “I think she is beautiful.” Ashley turned and looked toward Amber, gave her thumbs up, and walked back to the table. The guys at the table all hooted and hollered and cheered for me, I blushed, and they called me out for blushing. Amber and the girls were all spastically chatting and I saw her blush too.

Every time we would look at each other, someone would make it known to the entire mess hall, so we stopped for a bit. Toward the end of dinner, I tried to get her attention. Nothing I did could get her attention. So I took a cherry from my fruit cup and bounce it from my table to hers. It landed right in front of her and she turned and looked at me with the most beautiful smile. I was just about to mouth something to her, when out of nowhere a lump of mashed potatoes smacked me in the face. Her mouth dropped open as did mine. I did a quick scan to see where it came from and right beside Amber, with a huge smile on her face and a questionable spoon with remnants of potatoes in her hand was Ashley. I had a few more cherries and grapes left, so I bounce one in her direction. This intern led Angie to saucer a cantaloupe slice at me. She missed and hit my friend Vince in the face. I don’t remember what happened next, but there was food flying everywhere. Table after table after table began participating in this massive food fight. It seemed like it went on for forever when in reality the leaders and hosts stopped us dead in our tracks.

Each table had to choose a person to stay behind and clean up the mess. I with the always guilty conscience chose to stay behind as did Amber and Angie. We laughed and made jokes while cleaning. Each joke we made came with a glare from the counselors. After we were finished wiping, moping, and laughing we grabbed some ice cream and headed out to the look out. Although I never noticed it back then, but now with age I am fully aware that Angie left because Amber told her to. At the look out, we talked about music and books and whatever else. Both of us being Christians grew up in a semi-sheltered lifestyle. As most Christians, our parents limited the music we listened to (oldies, religious, and some, as the 90’s called it, bubblegum pop). Growing up in the era of Britney and boy band, we had a common like for 98*. I love to read and it was refreshing to find someone else who loved having their nose stuck in a book as much as I do. Over the years we would exchange an obscene amount of books.

After the night of the food fight, we were inseparable for the rest of the week. We would walk around the campground just taking each other in. We would sneak out at night and walk down to the shore line and look up at the stars. One day we had a “free day” to do whatever we wanted without our cabin mates. Amber and I, along with Angie and some guy, decided to hike up to “the old Indian,” a rock face that resembled that of an old Indian chief. Once we made it to the peak the four of us sat down on the edge of the drop off and stared out over, what seemed like, the entire state of North Carolina. It was perfection in sight and company. We spent a few hours on the peak. We brought a packed lunch and just enjoyed each other’s company.               

We spent the entire week together and as fast as it started, it came to an end. Saturday morning marked the end of summer camp and my group had to be ready to leave at 5am. Friday night at dinner, Amber (and Angie) and I said our goodbyes. It was heart wrenching. We hugged long enough for the counselors to tell us to stop. I had to go and pack and get some sleep, but she promised me she would make sure she saw me one last time before I went back home. Five o’clock came way too fast, by quarter after my entire group was packed and was loading into the van. Just as we took the final head count, I saw Amber and Angie running up the hill toward our van. I told Pastor Mac to wait and jumped out of the van. Angie gave me a huge bear hug and slipped me her address and number.  As I turned toward Amber, I saw her eyes well up. She handed me a sticky note with her address and number on it, and told me “You better write me!” Next thing I know, we were lip locked…and it was amazing!!! Needless to say I was the most popular guy in the van on the way home.

Not even a week since I got back from camp, I sent and received my first letter from Amber. For four years we sent a letter to each other every week and called once a month (long distance fees back then were outrageous) before we met again. Sophomore year we both had the chance to go to a Youth Conference in South Carolina. Of course we both took the opportunity to go, but at that time we didn’t have cell phones so how in the world would we meet up? Come summer, when the Youth Conference came up, I looked for her high and low; I could not find her anywhere. Finally Wednesday night I found her! As an opening ice breaker for the night’s festivities there was a burping contest. I sat in the crowd and enjoyed the show. It was a showdown between some guy and this tiny little girl. Out of this little lady came this amazing echoing roar that shook the place. The emcee announced her, Amber as the winner.

I jumped out of my seat and screamed her name to the top of my lungs. She knew it was me and screamed back. I flew out of my aisle and down the stairs toward the stage. It was all very movie-esque. She came running down the stairs of the stage and met me half way up the aisle, and embraced in an every-so-sappy way. For the next two days, we hung out non-stop, as she was staying in the same hotel I was staying in. The spark was still there after all these years.

The week ended and we went back to letters once a week, and calls once a month. Two years later we were seniors in high school and were trying to pick out a college. Within a few letters we both decided to go to Pensacola Christian College. Ecstatic that we would finally be close to each other and for a significant amount of time we began to talk about dating and finally a future together. That summer my family went down to visit the campus and they finally got to meet Amber and her parents finally met me. Over the next month, being busy getting ready for college and all, I only got one letter from Amber. It said: “I can’t wait to see you. I need to tell you something. Love, Amber.” I couldn’t wait to see her either, and finally it came time to drop me off at college.

My family is a big, loud, traditional, thick-as-thieves type of family. So all my cousins, aunts and uncles, and my grandparents loaded up their cars and we all caravanned down to drop off the eldest grandchild at college. After I was settled in my dorm and my family drove away I gave Amber a call to see what she was doing, because I was instantly lonely. We met up for dinner and talked and smiled a lot. Then we went over to the auditorium for some college introduction festivity of sorts.

She seemed uneasy at the table and on the walk over to the auditorium. We found our seats and after prayer she grabbed my hand and told me what she had been waiting to tell me for weeks. I was instantly in a haze; my mind was frozen off in Wonderland somewhere. I was at a loss for words. Me, a loss for words? Never happens! She told me that she couldn’t attend this semester because she was diagnosed with throat cancer. Here the entire day she never moved in, never registered for classes, but came to see me anyway. I cried myself to sleep that night in front of my three roommates.

This was the first time in my life I ever felt utterly alone. (The second time is a totally different story which you will read about later.) My family was gone mind you I’ve traveled all around the world by myself and never felt alone like I did that night. The next day we met for breakfast and talked it out. Her family lived about ten miles from campus so it wasn’t a hassle for us to meet up with each other. I loved her with all my heart, but I was young and immature and could NOT handle this situation at the time. I could not catch my breath I was in a haze every day. I called my family crying and asking for a plane ticket home.

I told Amber I could not stay. I had to go home. I could not handle the situation I don’t even think I tried. After only 10 days at PCC my Dad surprised me the morning John Ritter died. He had driven all night to get to me, and we were packed up and moved out within two hours. I had to say goodbye, so we met at the mall. There, we talked for about an hour while Dad waited outside. We passed a small jewelry pagoda and we stopped to buy matching promise rings. We promised when she got better, we would both go back to PCC. She understood where I was coming from and with tears in our eyes we slid our rings on and kissed each other goodbye. That was the last time I ever saw her.

Over the next few months I still received a letter every week, as did she and our calls became more frequent. January came around and I had settled in to Eastern University and she was feeling a little bit better, but she still wasn’t strong enough to go back to school. I received at letter on February 20, 2004 telling me the doctors were going to perform surgery and try to remove as much as they could on February 27^th. I immediately called her and prayed with her. She told me she was still wearing her ring and so was I. Matter of fact I am wearing the ring now as I write this story. I called her the eve of the twenty-seventh and wished her well, told her that I loved her and prayed with her one last time.

Around 4pm on February 27^th I called her parents’ house to see what the progress was. Her sister, Ashley answered the phone and all she said was “Oh my God, Steve you don’t know.” Immediately I fell onto my futon. I sat there in disbelief as she told me “something went wrong. They forgot to quarter off something and she bled out.” I was in shock, I couldn’t believe it. I was never going to see her again. The dream was over. I managed to get a second of clarity and told Ashley I loved her and to give her parents a hug from me. I told her to keep me posted and I hung up the phone.

I skipped class the rest of the day, and didn’t even bother going in the next day. I was depressed, devastated, and un-showered. Around 8pm on the 28^th there was a knock at my door. I told whoever it was to go away, then the door swung open and there was Umbel, Tuna, and Coochie (my 3 best friends). They came in and asked where the hell I have been. I had them worried. I broke down and cried and told them everything. Umbel took me to the bathroom and literally forced me to shave and shower. The girls cleaned spruced up my dorm room, and then the three of them took me out for a double feature. They took me to the IMAX Theater to see Along Came Polly and 50 First Dates. To this day those two movies are in my top ten favorite movies, and Coochie and Tuna are still two of the best girls any guy could ask for.

It’s almost been eight years since I lost my Amber, and every February 27^th I turn on our song, Sunshine After The Rain by: 98*, and I call her parents to catch up. Every February 27^th I cry as I pull out the shoebox with every letter we ever wrote each other. A week after her passing, her mom sent me a package filled with every single picture, book, tape, CD, and letter she ever received from me. In a small envelope in the box was the ring I bought her along with her last letter. To this day I still have that box and some of the best memories of my life. I’ve learned to move on, but one never forgets their first love.

I love you Amber and will never forget you.

Hurt

Remember that selfless act I did for you a few years ago? I do. Just because I did that for you does not mean the words and jokes still don't send a stabbing pain through my heart every time I hear you say them.

Why I Support HIV/AIDS Awareness

Picture it. Freshman year of college I took a mandatory world view class. This class was amazing I developed my own world view without lies or the omitting of facts. I went to private school Pre-K – senior year. My parents paid so much money for a “good” education. I endured so much heartache for a “good” education. I was top of my class, and had great grades. I was never prepared for what college had in store for me. My high school math teacher had taught us centimeters were the slashes in between the inch marks on a ruler…never once did he tell reference the metric ruler. I was humiliated when I answered that question in my freshman math class…so humiliated I dropped the class.  Throughout my college life I realized the only teachers who ever taught us the right/proper material were my history, Spanish, and English teacher. The rest I guess never cared to teach us properly or to teach us the truth.

Anyway, my venting has gotten me way off track.  So, back to this world view class, in this class I met my best friend, and others I know will be life-long friends. One day we were discussing the origin of HIV/AIDS, and the professor asked if anyone knew where AIDS began. Being confident in my answer, because that’s what was taught to me, ingrained in me throughout my high school years, I raised my hand to answer. As soon as my answer came out of my mouth and my friends’ faces turn I knew I was wrong. The entire class laughed at me except for one girl…who sadly was also taught the same thing. I was called racist, homophobe, dumb, and gullible. I felt my face flush and my palms began to sweat. I was so embarrassed, but still had no clue as to why I was wrong. The professor calmed everyone down, and looked at me and asked if I actually believed my statement. I said “Well, that’s what I was taught.”

My answer was “AIDS came from African gay men who slept with monkeys and spread it to fellow villagers.” Embarrassing right? Well this was the stuff I was taught in private school. I now know the truth. I wish private school did not “protect” us from the world, but educated us on the truth. No wonder people think Christians are crazy. One man teaching his opinion can change a person’s world view and make them look like a horrible person even though they are just naïve. As a continuation of the class, each student had to do a form of community service. We all, with the professor’s guidance, chose to work at MANNA.

MANNA is an organization that prepares and delivers meals to AIDS victims around the wonderful city of Philadelphia. I spent a semester making salads, sandwiches, and countless dinners. I educated myself on the virus, and met so many wonderful people who were (to me at the time) perfectly normal. I was always taught HIV/AIDS was a horrible disease, and if you had it you were a horrible person who did something horrible to be punished by such a violent disease. Don’t get me wrong it is a horrible, horrible disease, but the people who have it did not do something horrible to deserve this. All the people I have met are wonderful, sweet people. It saddens me that people judge the victims and not the disease. It’s just like cancer, no one asks for it. Most of the time it comes out of a situation that is completely selfless like, giving birth or having a blood transfusion.

The reason I support the cause is, because when I thought about all those alumni who graduated from my school who went out into the world completely uneducated and have in their mind a hatred for those who are HIV+ just like I once did, I want to spread education about the virus to those who know nothing about it and with their judgments they hurt the victims even more than they suffer already.

In reference to this article I suggest you all watch the movie, Philadelphia. Check out the 13^th and 14^th episodes in the February “Primetime: What Would You Do?” Check out your local volunteer station, or visit http://www.mannapa.org/. Please, Please EDUCATE YOURSELF BEFORE YOU MAKE ASSUMPTION.

Remember: A condom doesn’t kill you. Don’t be a fool; wrap your tool.

With Love,

Steve

That Smile

So I have finally found my muse in life. It is this perfect smile! I mean, Mona Lisa’s Smile is nothing compared to this one. Just thinking about it brings a tear to my eye, brightens my day, and magically makes me start singing The Carpenter’s “On Top Of the World!” Cheesy? Maybe, but my racing heart says otherwise. A picture does this smile absolutely no justice.

To see this amazing feature in person fills me with polar opposite emotions. I want to laugh and jump for joy because its mine right now, right then and there in the present!!! Yet at the same time I want to cry because I am scared to death it will go away and I may never see it again. The greatest moments are when I look up and can see it smiling at me from across the room.

I was always convinced that infatuation was not for me. It’s not that I am too good for infatuation; I just believed I did not deserve it. So in turn I put up a wall. Well I guess I was wrong! This infatuation not only pulled me out of my dull drums, but has put a permanent smile on my face. It gives me a reason to pop out of bed in the morning. It makes me laugh harder than I already do. That smile makes life so much more livable! You know who you are, and I just want to say thanks friend for brightening my day…everyday!!!

Sadly my muse has now left my life. Every once in a while I will see it in passing. In fact, I saw it the other night. My heart still skips a beat when I see it and I think of wonderful memories. Do I miss it? No, but I wish I did.

Come In and Know Me Better!

Here are just a few background facts that will give you some insight on who I am, my individuality, and what to expect as you read on.

1. My favorite color is green. (Like in the grass or my eyes)
2. I love the circus!
3. I say my favorite book is Angels & Demons.
4. My actual all-time favorite book is Green Eggs and Ham
5. My favorite movie is The Goonies.
6. My favorite musical is Grease.
7. My favorite old movie is Meet Me in St. Louis.
8. My favorite Disney character is Stitch.
9. I am a Twi-hard!
10. I am a Gleek!
11. My favorite TV show of all time is FRIENDS.
12. I believe everyone has the ability to overcome anything if they just tried.
13. I believe if you can’t admit you’re wrong at times, you will live a very lonely life.
14. Matt Damon is my favorite actor.
15. I am a Born Again Christian and proud of it!
16. I love Iced Tea.
17. My favorite candy is Sweet Tarts.
18. My favorite chocolate candy is Snickers.
19. My favorite quote is “Smile it increases your face value!” –Miss Truvy
20. My life verse is Philippians 4:13.
21. Judy Garland is my favorite actress.
22. Midnight Train to Georgia is my all time favorite song!!!
23. I believe if you can’t laugh at yourself there is no reason for us to be friends.
24. Nothing makes me laugh harder then a person or myself falling down.
25. I admire Betty White and would like to meet her.
26. I believe if you get the death penalty, you should be put to death in the same style you killed in.
27. I believe the one true Judge is God, so chill and let my Father do His job.
28. I have always dreamt of being a trapeze artist.
29. I suffer from extreme optimism.
30. I have an awesome past that made me who I am today!
31. I truly have no regrets. Everything happens for a reason right?
32. I am a world traveler.
33. I have amazing legs!!!
34. I have met a bunch of celebrities and still get super nervous each time I do so.
35. Once upon a time I did stand-up under the alias Tibias James.
36. My nicknames are Bogie, Steve-Steve, Wombat, Polar Bear, and Papa Steve.
37. I have three best friends.
38. I hug battered women!!!
39. I am a lover not a fighter, unless you really get under my skin.
40. I hate Jersey Shore, but I watch every episode.
41. I visit the Jersey Shore every summer.
42. I rock Proud Mary, Midnight Train, and Favorite Things at karaoke.
43. I make new friends everywhere I go.
44. I speak English, Spanish, French, and know Sign.
45. I am a bookworm. I have enough books to fill a personal library. I am only 26.
46. Books, CDs, and DVDs are the only things I do not share.
47. I am obsessive compulsive when it comes to thing being orderly or clean.
48. I could totally be a CIA agent.
49. I can list all the Presidents in consecutive order in 10 seconds.
50. I rock at life!!!

Oh, The People I've Met Part I

As many of you know, I love entertainment!!! I love most everything about it! The glitz, the glam, the skipping of a heartbeat when you walk into a theater to see a new movie or a play; I love it all. Throughout my young life I have had the privilege to meet quite a few famous people. No matter what “list” they are in I still get giddy just because I am meeting one celeb. Their name is recognized therefore I adore them. When I met these people, not only did my breathing get heavy, and my palms start sweating, I was just filled with the joy of getting to meet one person I look up to or enjoy the products of their career. (Except Danny Bonaduce, he was a douche bag!!!) So far I have been able to compose myself around them. I do have to admit I blushed a little too much when I met Tina Fey. I also went weak in the knees when I met Aisha Tyler (because I’m such a huge, HUGE FRIENDS fan!!!).  I trembled so much when I met Mark Wahlberg that he told me to calm down. And, yes, I shed an instant tear of joy when I met Monica Potter, I have always loved her. Now here is the list of those famous people I have met, hopefully I will be able to add onto my list and keep entertaining myself. Now if I can get Miss Betty White on this list, my life may just be complete!!!

1)      Bryce Dallas Howard (Actress)

2)      M. Knight Shyamalan (Director)

3)      Mark Wahlberg (Actor)

4)      Greg Kinnear (Actor)

5)      Cheri Oteri (Actress)

6)      Monica Potter (Actress)

7)      Elizabeth Banks (Actress)

8)      Sarah Gruen (Author)

9)      Tina Fey (Actress)

10)   Pattie Smith (Singer)

11)   Jennifer Coolege (Actress)

12)   Chelsea Handler (Comedienne)

13)   Danny Bonaduce (Actor)

14)   Angelina from Jersey Shore (Actress)

15)   Aisha Tyler (Comedienne)

16)   Mike Huckabee (Presidential Candidate)

17)   Chad Michael Murray (Actor)

18)   Balkin Beat Boxers (Band)

19)   Scott Silveri (Screen Writer)

20)   The Hoppers ( Christian Band)

21)   The Hunts (Christian Band)

22)   Lt. Dan Choi (Activist)

23)   Kat Deluna (Singer)

24)   Katie Couric (News Anchor)

25)   Al Roker (News Anchor)

26)   Matt Lauer (News Anchor)

27)   Toni Yates (News Anchor)

28)   Chad Pardeli (News Anchor)

29)   Enrique Iglesias (Singer) –High-Fived Him At A Concert

30)   T-Vice (Haitian Band)

31)   Anthony Rapp (Broadway Performer)

32)   Jessica Simpson (Singer)

33)   Bill Robinson (Baseball Player)

34)   Derek Jeeter (Baseball Player)

35)   Chase Utley (Baseball Player)

36)   Kinsey Rose (Country Singer)

37)   Jared Allman (Reality Star)

38)   John Lithgow (Actor)
39)  Vince Papalli (Football Player)

Now this list is just a teaser of some crazy stories that lie ahead. Not all will be talked about, but I will regale with a few of my favorites; like making a friend cry when I took her to meet her idol, or freaking out one of my favorite celebs with my babbling, and maybe I’ll tell you the hilarious background story of how I met Jared Allman.

The Dance of the Free Drinks

It was December ’08, at my 24^th birthday party, when I first heard of the song that would get me more free drinks then one can count. I stepped out to talk to my friends who were outside smoking. Ryan was telling us of this “new amazing music video,” and how it’s the best new song of the year and will win awards in the future. I told him I would look it up later.

When I got home from the night of partying I did what I promised and although the song was catchy, I didn’t feel anything special for it. A few months went by and one Saturday while out with my twins, they started cracking up and told me they had a story for me. Earlier that week they went to their younger brother’s high school talent show and he and two friends did the dance to the song Ryan had told me about back in December. I laughed picturing the performance.

About a month after hearing about Michael’s performance, I was at an O’Malley family gathering…drinking of course. I saw Michael and asked him to teach me the choreography. He tried, really hard, but nothing was sinking into my brain. After that night I was suddenly determined to perfect the dance.

After a year of practicing the moves I finally got it!!! I was ready to do it in public. Some friends and I hit up Fado, and amazing Irish pub in Philly, and we hit the dance floor hard. I requested the song I wanted and when it started playing, I cleared a place on the floor for my awesome moves. I rocked it hard and I rocked it good! So good my friend bought a round of shots for the group and three other strangers complimented me and bought me a drink.

It’s been over a year since I first danced my hear t out to the song and I have done it everywhere countless times. I’ve done it in hotel lobbies, clubs, dive bars, street corners, parties, my shower, even once in the church parking lot. I have no shame. Today, my friends still love when I do it.

Just last week I did it on a dance floor in Nashville…the country folk loved it!!! Every single time I have done it I got free drinks from the bartenders or the people in the venue. I did it on stage at Fado and was comped the whole night. I did it at a wedding and was cheered (I hope the bride didn’t mind). I once got a free night stay in Atlantic City Resorts Hotel because I mimicked the performer at one of their stage shows. I know every DJ in a six block radius in Philly. The week before last I did it for the umpteenth time at Sharky’s (an awesome dive bar in Jersey) and when I was finished my favorite bartender, Betty brought over three car bombs for me. One was from the girls at the end of the bar, another from the couple that dared me to do it, and one from a guy who “said he was my uncle.” Yes, my Uncle Larry was in the crowd and I don’t think he was ever so proud/embarrassed I was his nephew. Hahahaha!!!

The song I am referring to as The Dance of the Free Drinks is indeed SINGLE LADIES by: BEYONCE.

I told you in the first blog I like to be spontaneous and I dance to the beat of my own drum. Continue to follow my blog for the story of how I taught a burlesque dancer the Single Ladies dance…and later performed it with her.

Shoes

As many of you know I do not believe in buying shoes worth more the $20, but do you know the reason behind my belief?

High school sucks for most people, but I really had a hard time. Did I have great times? Of course I did. Was high school damaging? Yes, but who hasn’t been damaged by high school? Unlike other people, I did not peak in high school. I knew I would escape and make something of my life.

Now that we are off topic let me get back to the story:

Picture it. It’s the eighth grade, beginning of the second semester. One Saturday I was out shopping with my Mom, and on account of having good grades and great behavior my Mom decided to treat me to the new Nike basketball sneakers. They were amazing! I couldn’t wait to show them off to all my friends. Well Monday finally came around and I brought my new sneaks in and locked them up in my locker till gym class. If you were wondering why I did not wear them to school, I went to private school and had to wear a uniform.

I got along with most of the guys in my class, but had a real hard time with the older guys and the guy a grade below me. I knew every single person by name at my school, and was one of the nicest guys enrolled, and also a teacher’s pet; so naturally people didn’t like me. I loved/hated gym class. It was a time to chill out and play around, but I dreaded the locker room. I used to get beat up on a weekly basis. A punch here, a kick there, a slur everywhere by sophomore year it became so bad, my gym teacher had to stand in the locker room till I was done getting dressed. Of course this added to the torment, but I don’t think I ever told Mr. Eller how grateful I was for him watching out for me.

So back to the story, lunch was just about over and gym was only minutes away. After I cleaned off my spot at the table, I made my way to the locker room. The first thing I saw was my lock was broken and my gym bag was gone! I looked everywhere for it and finally found it. I found my gym uniform soaked and strewn across the shower floor and in the corner I saw my new duffle ripped apart, zipper broken and also soaked. Inside were my brand new shoes drenched in spit, urine, and what looked like streaks of semen. I was so angry, sad, and disgusted at the same time I didn’t know what to do. I picked up my clothes and realized they were also drenched in piss. Angrily I threw them into my bag, collected my belongings and walked out of the locker room and straight to the bathroom. I never let them see me cry, although I knew I was about to burst at any second.

The bathroom was “closed for cleaning.” I didn’t care, I knew the janitor and he was cool. I burst through the doors, tears now streaming down my face. I forcefully stuffed the entire duffle into the trash can. Mr. Willis came running over; he was only two stalls away. He asked me “What’s the matter?” as he pulled my bag out of the trash can. As I was scrubbing my hands to get the stench and germs off of them, I told him everything. I believe this is the point in my life when my cleanliness OCD began. He tried to convince me I could just was everything and it will be alright. I yelled, “No, because everyone will know.” He begged me a few times to think about the situation before I threw my possessions away. I told him my mind was set and that was that. I stuffed it back into the trash can and with tears in his eyes Mr. Willis tied up the bag and took it to the dumpster for me. On the way he dropped me off at the principal’s office.

Before I went to talk to Mr. Hobbs, the school secretary let me call my Mom. While waiting for my Mom to arrive I again rehashed the last twenty minutes and explained the situation to my principal. I call my Mom, Mama Bear because she is always there to protect her cubs. I wasn’t even done telling Mr. Hobbs what had happened when she came barging in.

Mom was up to bat, yelling and crying, and out for blood…I mean justice. The only explanation my principal had to offer was “Boys will be boys.” Furious that this was the only thing he had to offer, Mom ran to Mr. Willis and Mr. Eller. All three of them stopped what they were doing and jumped into the dumpster to look for my stuff. I stood there begging them to stop. I told them no matter if they found them or not, I still was NOT going to wear them ever again.

At that moment Mr. Willis found them and they hopped out. He gave the bag to Mom and I took her and told her not to worry, I was going to be fine. I walked back over to the dumpster and dropped it in. With tears in my eyes I asked my Mom to take me home. She did and at that very moment I vowed never to buy a pair of shoes more then $20, because they were only going to wear out and there was no point in wasting that money.

Well cut to eleven years later, and Adidas comes out with these amazing, light weight, blue sneaks with these awesome zigzags on the sole. After an entire decade of cheap shoes, and obviously not getting over the torture of that day, I decided I am going to check them out. As soon as I tried them on, a wave a relief and empowerment came over me. I am an adult now and do not take any crap from anybody. Why should I keep this wound open? With the swipe of my little green card, I became the owner of a $90 pair of amazing running shoes. Not only did I finally seal up a deep wound with this purchase, I also gave a metaphoric “screw you” to the jackasses who tortured me in high school.

That’s my story, just thought I would share it with you…and get it off my chest after eleven years!!!

November 4th

Five years ago today I hit rock bottom; I hit it so hard I bruised my ass. Twenty-one years old, and my life was in shambles. I had quit school, quit my job, and partied hard…too hard! If it weren’t for my parents, I have no clue where I would be or if I’d even still be.

     November 4, 2006. After partying all night I stumbled into my apartment around 5am. Being OCD, I knew something was wrong. Something/s were out of place…missing. As I scanned my room I noticed DVDs, CDs, my stereo, and laptop were gone. The door was not broken into and all the windows were intact. I had used my laptop just hours before, listened to my stereo as I was getting ready for a night out. Drunk and all hopped up, I called the police. I put in a report, and as I was talking to them I felt like an ass. I’m intoxicated and giving a report to the police. What the hell was I thinking??? After the police left around 6am, I called my parents to tell them I was robbed. An hour later they were knocking on my door. They came all the way from Jersey in the early a.m. to check on me.

     I still reeked of the night before. Were they disappointed in me? Oh yeah, but they had no idea what was in store for them once they got into my apartment. As I was taking a shower my mom, being always on guard, and wonderfully intrusive, started questioning me. I was stupid; I expected this after we got into my place. They had found months of unpaid bills, no food in the cabinets, loads of dirty laundry in my room. After all the questioning I broke down and let the rents know I also took the semester off and quit my job and spent all my money on booze, clubs, and a certain substance.

     I was so embarrassed and heartbroken over breaking their hearts. At that moment I was humiliated and couldn’lt look them in the eye. Actually it took me three whole months before I looked them in the eyes again. Within 3 hours of them arriving, Dad had rented a U-Haul and Mom went to settle my bills. They got me out of my lease, and had me all packed up and headed home in three hours.

     I am a strong, very intelligent man, and my friends and I used to swear we would stop partying when we could no longer pay our bills. I missed that mark by two months. It was the quietest drive I have ever been on. I didn’t say anything to my parents for three whole months besides yes, no, thank you, please, and hi. I was so humble and so humiliated.

     Within a month I had a new job, and was bringing in money. I stopped abusing myself cold turkey that November day. After work one day (a month later) I took my car to the car wash. As I was cleaning I found a crumpled receipt under my front chair. It was a pawn shop receipt dated late night November 3, 2006. On the receipt was listed everything that went missing from my apt. At the bottom of the receipt I saw a signature that made me see red!!! Inscribed on the bottom of that slip was the name “Junior M.” my friend, my boy’s signature was right there in front of me. I was out with him that night. He ran out to get more supplies, so I stayed with his wife and our friends, while I lent him my car. Being my friend and all I just tossed him my car keys…the house keys were on the same ring. I stopped right in my tracks, and sped up to his apt. I went crazy. Yelling, screaming, crying, how could he do this to me? He played dumb until I pulled the receipt out. Then I didn’t have to do a single thing…his wife beat the crap out of him!!! I left that day and never saw those two again. A few months ago I heard he had passed due to a concoction of heroin and cocaine, and his wife moved back to New York to be with her family.

     Lost. Humiliated. Deceived. I was broken, and that’s when I realized I never wanted my old life back ever again. I vowed that day, on the lonely ride back to my parents house, that I would no longer throw my life away and that I would live my life to the fullest, and that I have done. In this blog you will be reading the true, raw, un-edited, un-exaggerated stories of my life after hitting rock bottom. I’ve met some pretty amazing people, traveled to some pretty amazing place, and have so many hilarious, sad, crazy stories to share with you. You’ll hear about my friend and I drinking 40s with 2 bums on a stoop in Philly exchanging life stories, a dance I do to get free drinks, befriending an old lady who once played for the Women’s Professional Baseball League, and even about me teaching a burlesque dancer new moves, and later dancing with her on stage. But, all that is for another time. Sit back and buckle your safety belts because this is going to be one heck of a ride. Believe me, this is my life!!!

-Steve

P.S. November 4, 2011 is my five year anniversary being clean from cocaine. I stopped it cold turkey and never went back. Yes this may make you want to judge me, you may be ashamed of me, but I don’t care this little bump in the road of my life has made me the man I am today. I have no regrets. There is no point living in the past…just learn from it and move forward.