Paris

In the summer of 2006, my sister, my friend and I went backpacking through Europe. Paris was our third stop, between Barcelona and right before Glasgow. The day we arrived in Paris, was the day of their independence celebration. When we arrived at the hostel at 6am, we organized all our stuff and passed out on the bed till 10am. The porters at the front desk told us we should eat a big mid-day meal because there would be no time to sit and eat with all the events going on that day. They gave us directions to a bakery and a produce stand. He then gave us a detailed list of festivities to do that day…and everything was free!!!

After breaky, our first stop was The Louvre. Side Note: I have a very extensive bucket list and I was ready to check off everything in Paris. So, after we stuffed our bags for the day we were ready to hike to The Louvre. As we rounded the very first corner of out walk there it was in all its glory…the Eiffel Tower (aka #7 on the bucket list)!!! OMG! It is so much more majestic then the movies perceive it to be.  My breath was literally taken away. The 3 of us took a few minutes to take in the majesty of one of the seven world wonders. The weather was perfect, no humidity, perfectly sunny, and absolutely breathtaking.  We took some pics and headed to The Louvre.

The Louvre is also somewhere on my bucket list. I, being an Art History major, was so excited to get inside and see the many priceless works of art in encompassed. When we got to the main door, the doorman told us we should wait in the garden for about 15 minutes before we headed in. Thinking it was odd, we asked why. He told us the French President was flying over head with a small celebratory air show. We’re tourists so of course this was the best news ever!!!

The gardens at the Louvre reminded me of The Queen of Hearts’ Garden in Alice in Wonderland. The walks were so bright white and clean. All the trees and bushes were trimmed into whimsical shapes. The garden was pure magic. A few minutes passed and security guards were preparing people for the President’s fly over. Then suddenly out of nowhere, three planes were flying overhead flipping and dipping with red, white, and blue smoke decorating the sky.  An announcer came over the P.A. system and told us the President will be above us at any moment. Suddenly, the planes filled the sky with France’s national colors and as the smoke cleared the President’s plane came into view. Cheers were heard all around. Nothing compares to an American Independence Day celebration, but this was a close second. I love when patriots take pride in their homeland.

Finally, we were allowed to explore the Louvre! We saw Rembrandt, Picasso, Michelangelo, and Goya. But the main event was still waiting for me. After hours of exploring, it was time to see the 2^nd most amazing painting in all of history. (Van Gough’s Starry Night is first…on my list.) As we entered the room where this special painting was being displayed, my palms started sweating and my heart was racing, I was about to lay my very own eyes in the beautiful Mona Lisa.

It was surrounded by guards and tourists. When I finally (rudely aka Jersey style) pushed my way through the crowd I saw it. I was taken aback by its size it’s really no bigger than a legal pad, but size doesn’t matter to me. As soon as our eyes met, as manly as I am, my eyes began to well up and I literally weeped in awe of the world renowned beauty.  Immediately I finally understood Nat King Cole’s “Mona Lisa Smile.”  Words cannot not describe the feeling one gets from seeing it in person. Another check off the bucket list.

Now with all that I am finally getting to the part of the story I really wanted to write about. The following day marked day 9 of our tour and for lack of better wordage, we wanted to kill each other!!!  I awoke that morning to the girls fighting over the hair dryer. I went to the market and when I got back I threw the bottle of Midol right at them, pushed them out of the bathroom, got dressed, and declared an alone day. This was both a very good and very bad decision. It was very good, because I have this story to tell for life. It was very bad, because…I have this story to tell for life.

Side Note: My family and I are huge fans of old classic movies. Our collective favorite is The Great Race starring Jack Lemmon, Peter Faulk, Tony Curtis, and the forever young Natalie Wood.

The first stop on my trip was the Sacré-Cœur and Montmarte Steps. In The Great Race, Jack Lemmon aka Professor Fate comes flying down these stairs in a desperate attempt to win the race. Little did I know this was in a bad part of town, I held on tight to my belongings as I pushed passed the thoroughly amusing gypsies. Once I made it to the Montmarte Steps I was determined to hike up all 378 steps to the Sacré-Cœur.

At the entrance of the Sacré-Cœur I met a couple guys, who were also on an “alone day,” each were from a different group. We toured the Sacré-Cœur together and then headed to Moulin Rouge. The church, the steps, the troupe house equals three separate checks off my bucket list.

Side Note: I am Irish and German I can hold my liquor!!!

We had a couple drinks at Moulin Rouge and then I remember throwing up in the cab all over myself, throwing up outside the train station, threw up in a trash can at the ticket booth and sat down and cried because I was totally f-ed up. I had 3 drinks…I was not drunk I am pretty sure I was drugged. I remember I heard some guy yelling at a pick pocket in English. I went up to him and explained the story and asked for his help to get my ticket. He was so nice he even walked me to the platform I was supposed to be on.

The next thing I remember was some English man and woman shaking me awake. Startled, I yelled at them to get away from me. They said they were there to help, and asked me what happened. I told them I only had 3 drinks and I’m so sick and I just want to go home. They asked if I was American, I said yes and asked how they knew. They said 5 trains had passed and I was curled in a ball with a death grip on my bag and ticket. The wife went to get the nurse and the guy gave me a stick of gum and bottled water and got me seated on a chair.

When the nurse arrived, she agreed that it looked like I had been drugged. I remember she took me to her office where there was an emergency shower.  She gave me a fresh t-shirt and then rode with me all the way to my stop, and even walked me to the hostel. The front desk man was sympathetic and walked me to my room and turned down the bed. I showered and that is what I remember from that day.

Later in the trip, day 27 to be exact, I was uploading my pics to my computer and to my horror I had documentation of what I did that fateful day. I had a pic of my 3 pints so I was right, I was not drunk, but most likely drugged.  I was on stage at Moulin Rouge attempting to pole dance with the dancers. I have a pic of me wrapped around a pole with 2 topless dancers on either side of me. I have pics of me and the guys back at the Sacré-Cœur, on top of the Eiffel Tower. We were on a freaking boat ride up the river, and apparently we all were on the Louvre Ferris wheel.

Yeah I don’t remember any of it, all I remember is vomiting, and Mandi and Grace were so mad at me. A month after we returned Grace told me that she was the one who put me in the cab, I assumed it was the bartender or one of the guys. No, it was her. She said she saw me with some whore at a check cashing place and the girl was trying to get me to cash all my traveler’s checks. Thank God for Grace and His protection. It’s an embarrassing story, but seriously who else has a story like this? No one! Only me!!!