Things To Do Before I Turn 30

Well I have been keeping quite on here because I had a publisher interested in turning this blog and my other stories into a book. When everything was said and done, they turned it down. So I am back to my blog and I am prepping myself for another book I will be penning.

The next book will be a journal of The Last Year of My 20's. Yes that will be the title and I am aiming for the demographic of early 20's (to see what the have to look forward to) to late 30's (to reminisce about their last hoo-rah of their wild days.) My goal is to check off a few more things from my Bucket List and put myself in some more crazy situations. It will be light hearted and the stories will not be embellished, but I cannot promise that I won't manipulate the situation at that present time to make for a better story. Also there may be some entries where it says "Thursday I ordered pizza, changed into sweatpants, and watched 6hrs of Law & Order: SVU.

Now there are 365 days to document and here is just a taste of what will be happening in this upcoming year. This is my Must Be Done List:


       1)      Swim with dolphins

2)      Skydive

3)      Mardi Gras in New Orleans, LA

4)      Take a trip through a bayou

5)      Lose weight

6)      Explore Belgium and Amsterdam

7)      Vacation at an all-inclusive resort

8)      Party on 2^nd Street on New Year’s Day

9)      Meet Betty White

10)   Go on a hot air balloon ride

11)   Attend as many concerts as I can

12)   See a Broadway play

13)   Audition for a Broadway play

14)   Milk a cow

15)   Observe the embalming process

16)   Announce to crowd that they all look amazing and I wish them all to have a wonderful day

17)   Go whale watching

18)   Go to Coney Island

19)   Go to the Drunken Monkey in Staten Island

20)   Get more tattoos

21)   Go to the Chinese New Year’s parade in Chinatown

22)   Get a pic of an elephant trunk wrapped around my arm

23)   Host an art gala of my own artwork

24)   Finish my masterpiece

25)   Learn to play the harp

26)   Publish my book

2012

So what did you do last year? Did you stick to your resolutions? Did you make a change in your life? Did you better yourself at all in 2012?

My resolutions for last year were simple. They were; learn something new and make at least one person smile a day. For the first time ever, I stuck with my resolutions, and my life was made better by it. I felt more fulfilled each time I made someone’s day a little brighter with a smile. To me a smile is everything. I love making people happy. Life is great! Why not enjoy it every chance you can? To me, brightening up someone’s day is the most rewarding thing in life.

Now as far as learning/doing something new, this year blew my mind. I am just going to ramble off a list of small accomplishments throughout 2012 this way you will know what to look forward to in the upcoming posts.

In 2012 I learned to/did:

1)      Cook

2)      Bake

3)      Ballroom Dance

4)      Partook in a flash mob

5)      Traveled around the country

6)      Got a book deal

7)      Empowered myself

8)      Lost weight

9)      Perfected/Retired “Single Ladies”

10)   Dropped some dead weight people in my life

11)   Made some new friends

12)   Survived an apocalypse

13)   ENJOYED EVERY MINUTE OF MY YEAR!!!

 

I hope you are ready for the posts that are lined up for you. You will definitely enjoy them.

 

The Hipster

The other day a hipster made fun of my shoes.
Called them diabetic shoes.
I rolled my eyes and laughed him off.
Turned toward him and said "They're all the rage in South Jersey."
The hipster now wears the same shoes.

Blast In A Can

Oh 28!!!

So I just turned 28. I still don’t know how I feel about that. I definitely do not feel any older, but I am a little terrified that I only have 2 years left before the big 3-0. My plan as of right now is to stay 28 for the next 7 years, but we’ll play it by ear. Since this year was my “lucky year,” I made sure I had a very memorable birthday celebration. By “lucky year” I mean my lucky number is 12 and this is 2012 and my birthday was 12/12/12, and you get the picture.

The Saturday before my birthday, I kicked off the weeklong celebration by meeting Rachel Ray and her husband, John Cusimano at a book signing. Along with my friend, Amanda, and I, my parents and cousin came. We arrived hours early to make sure we had a spot in the crowd, and it paid off. Our seats we close to the stage and the interview was hilarious. Those two reminded me of the old hecklers from The Muppets. After the Q&A we all filed upstairs to get our books signed.

Weeks prior to this event, Amanda and I hatched a plan to network with Rachel and her hubby. As you all know, I am a photographer on the side and my goal was to have them pass my card on to someone who would “discover” my talents. Well Amanda is a baker, and makes a really delicious cupcake, and her goal was to get Rachel Ray to fall in love with her cupcakes. Well as we were in line, we started getting nervous and doubting ourselves. We finally decided the way to move ahead was to offer them something from this exchange of cards. Amanda wrote on her card “Good for 1 dozen cupcakes.” I wrote on mine, “First order is free.” And then the moment of truth came along.

As I approached Rachel and John, they were nothing but giggles and smiles. She thanked me for coming out and asked me how I was. I responded: “I’m doing great! Thank you guys for coming down to Philly and starting off my birthday week with a bang.” As soon as I said birthday, both of their heads shot up from the table and in unison, they wished me happy birthday. Well that gave me the courage to give them my card. I told them both it was good one free order. They high fived each other and he put the card in his pocket while she tucked it into her blouse!

The next few days were a bit of a blur. Sunday, I have the family birthday party at Outback Steakhouse. Monday, I hung out with a few friends who were home for the holidays. Tuesday, I spent half the day with Mom going to visit our holistic doctor in Maryland. Wednesday was my actual birthday. I had the day off from work, and again I went out with my mom.

We went to the mall to do some shopping and get a massage. Also my teddy bear that also turned 28 on December 12 got re-stitched and re-stuffed at Build-A-Bear. Yes I still have my childhood bear, he’s my family heirloom. The ladies at Build-A-Bear sang me happy birthday as they stitched Ralph up. Mind you I am a 28 year old man and the store was filled with two year olds. I spent the rest of my birthday at home watching old black and white movies. Thursday was my recover-from-the-week-get-ready-for-the-weekend day! Then came Friday, I went out with my friend Joel and Carissa. It was an oddly tame night. Then again the real party was happening on Saturday night!!!

Since I am friends with many people in high places in Philadelphia, I was able to make a list of friends to get into the bar for free. It all started around 8:30. People were arriving one by one and the drinks were arriving two by two. Every bartender, bouncer, friend, and even the head manager of the club bought me a drink. Then the dancing started, and sadly, I had to retire my beloved Single Ladies. It’s been 3 years now and I figured since I am moving on with life it’s now time to move on with another dance.

As the night came to a close, I dropped everyone off at their respective dwellings. I had just dropped off my dear friend, Britney, and I stopped at 7/11 for some water because I was parched. Not even two seconds of pulling out of the parking lot, a cop pulls me over because I forgot to turn my headlights back on after I exited the store. I almost died!!! I’m not stupid, I know my limit and I knew I was OK to drive home safely. The officer asked me how many I had had. I responded with 3 and never changed my answer. He asked why I was out and I told him it was my birthday weekend. He asked, with a smile on his face, “Why are you driving if it’s your birthday?” I responded “I don’t know, but can you talk to my friends about that?” He laughed and asked me step out of the vehicle.

Mama always taught me to respect authority and that I do. The officer told me if I could pass his tests, he would let me go home and enjoy the rest of my night. Well first he had me pat my head and rub my stomach, thank you Kindergarten for teaching me that! Then he asked me to balance on one foot for 5 seconds and then the other for another 5. Done! I have impeccable balance. He then asked me to walk the line, in my head I was humming Johnny Cash’s song and you know what? I walked the line like I was a pro gymnast walking on the balance beam. Then he said “OK one last thing. Without singing I want you to say your ABC’s D-S.” I responded “Yes Sir D-S.” He chuckled and I sang A-B-C in my head and proceeded to say D-S without any problem.

This guy knew I was good to go, but to be on the safe side he called his friend in who was another officer. When that officer arrived he made me follow the pen with my eyes not my head. I nailed it! I was so good at it the second officer said “Why are you so good at this?” I said “Sir, you’re the one that asked me to do this; I’m just doing what you said.” They both knew I was OK, but they had one last test for me.

The first responding officer dropped a penny on the ground and told me to pick it up and I can go home. Well around 7pm earlier that night I had just seen a YouTube clip with the same scenario except the drunk bent over and face planted into the pavement. So remembering this, I squatted down, grabbed the penny and handed it to the officer. He then told me “I told you to bend over and pick it up.” I replied “Sir everyone knows when you are picking something up you bend with the knees not the back.” Both officers chuckled and they told me to get home safe. They then handed me back my license and registration and wished me a happy birthday and then I did the unthinkable. I HUGGED THE OFFICERS AND THANKED THEM FOR LETTING ME GO!!! I got back in my car, questioned my life’s direction, and drove home.

Sober enough to pass all the tests; drunk enough to hug the officers!!!

NOW THAT WAS A BLAST IN A CAN!!!

Amarillo to Albuquerque

Our goal for the day was to make it to Albuquerque from St. Louis. First we had to get through Oklahoma. Although Oklahoma looks smaller than some states on the map, I can guarantee it’s an optical illusion. It took us nearly all day, sunrise to sunset, to travel through Oklahoma. Even though it was such a long drive, it was quite peaceful and oddly lonesome. There were very few cars on the road and at times we would drive an hour or more without seeing any cars at all. The most glorious thing we saw in OK was the Field of Windmills.

The windmills were so grand. I’m sure you have seen them before in movies. Any movie with a road trip in it usually has a clip of them driving through a patch of huge, white, energy making windmills. That’s them. We took plenty of pics and were so amazed by the sheer volume of them. The field went on for a few miles with 20+ windmills in each section. Later in our trip we saw a tractor trailer hauling just one of the blades and it was longer than the trailer itself. It’s a miracle what man can do.

Just as the sun was setting over the horizon, we crossed the border into Texas. We were so happy we had a little dance party under the welcome sign. At this time we only had a few hours till we hit Amarillo. Texas was so beautiful the land was so open and so clean. Aside from the few murder houses we passed, the state was amazing. The only problem we had while driving was the locusts. Do you know the statement “Everything is bigger in Texas.”? Well it’s true as we were speeding along we were hit by what at first we thought was a toddler from the car in front of us. It turns out it was a locust and the blood splatter was a little less than horrific. At one point in our trip we drove through a plague of locust and my front bumper was never the same.

It was 8pm and we were almost in Amarillo. We pulled over at the rest area before we hit the city to change clothes and freshen up. Our first stop in Amarillo was Cadillac Ranch. Story has it a millionaire who collected the high end cars passed and his children buried them nose deep standing up. Nowadays people go there to spray paint their names on one of the luxury cars. We arrived when it was pitch black. We armed ourselves with our flashlights and I had my taser prepared. We were in shorts and flip flops and as soon as we took that one step too far from the car we suddenly became aware that we were in said footwear and were surrounded my rattlesnake holes.

I am terrified of snakes let alone ones that can kill you. We walked hastily and carefully. It was so dark you could not see the Caddies until you were right on top of them. Yes, that was the scenario for acres and acres, and we walked through it in flip flops. The ground was littered with empty spray cans and plastic bags. Every time I heard a bag rustle in the wind, I sent a pray up, had a minor panic attack, and squeezed Carissa’s hand a little tighter. We etched our names into the cars and took plenty of pics then we realized we were not alone. There was some guy at the last car doing whatever, in our scared minds we thought he was preparing an alter to sacrifice us on.

Once we got safely, bite-free, back to our car we headed to the club area. In Amarillo there is no certain area for clubbing like Philly we had to go down side streets and almost on the outskirts to find the club. We walked in and it was dead, but the drinks were cheap and the music was good, so we stayed. About a half hour after we arrived this couple came in and took a spot next to the dance floor. The girl approached Carissa and asked her to join her on the dance floor since her boyfriend would not. Carissa immediately declined and turned her towards me. By this point in the night I was ready to dance. So I took her hand and I escorted her to the dance floor. This girl was already tipsy and she was wearing six inch heels. Thank God I know how to move on a dance floor, but really extra thanks that I have the strength to grab people before they hit the floor. Those shoes and her inebriation were not a good combo. Every other spin her ankles would wobble and I’d grab her in a way that it looked like a sweet move. The whole 10 people at the bar were quite impressed with our performance.

Then things started getting weird. I danced by my lonesome to a song and went into the restroom. I came out to see my Mini Me dancing to the song that I just danced to. He was about a foot and a half shorter than me, and oddly wearing the exact same blue shirt/white shorts combo from Old Navy.  As I walked back to the table there was a commotion at the door. Somehow a toad or two made their way into the bar. I’m not talking about ugly people, I mean real toad. Rib bit Rib bit!!! We took that as a sign to leave.

Being as classy as I am, I changed my outfit at the car in the parking lot. Good thing I had on my boxers that said “Shake it.” We began our drive to Albuquerque it was about four hours out and it was only 10pm. At one point in the final stretch we pulled over to admire the pure amazingness of a Texan sky at night. We were awestruck. The stars at night were truthfully big and bright deep in the heart of Texas. The only other times I have seen a sky like that where in a planetarium and watching Planet Earth on the Discovery Channel.

We were about thirty minutes from Albuquerque when we started looking for lodging. There were two hotels off the next exit we were going to check out, but they both had no vacancy. There was motel named Sunny Skies off the very next exit. We pulled in and pulled right out. There was no way we were staying there. It appeared as though Janet Lee would have been safer at Bates Motel than us if we stayed there. We finally found a Motel 6 two exits down and crashed for the night.

The next day we slept in a little bit and headed downtown to Rudy’s the best BBQ place in all of New Mexico. I made Carissa partake in a brisket sandwich. It was Heaven; their homemade sauce is to die for. After our lunch we hunted down the one thing I had to show her. Mind you I have been to Albuquerque quite a few times for business so I knew my way around the area. Just a few blocks away stood the World’s Largest Arrow. It sits in the middle of a Super Fresh parking lot and is about 300’ tall. I love kitsch things and this made my day. We gathered our memories and souvenirs and hopped back in the car and headed toward our middle destination, Los Angeles!!!

We had no idea what kind of storm laid ahead of us…