It Gets Better

This is long overdue. I am sure by now everyone has heard the horrible stories of teens committing suicide due to bullying. It’s a horrible thing to hear of one, but it’s devastating to hear of so many. Sadly this hits close to home for me. I too was bullied from 8^th-12^th grade. It sucked. I was bruised, beaten, and broken and no one did a thing about it. They used the excuse “boys will be boys.”

I was a pretty good kid growing up. I didn’t drink or swear and was always friendly, yet people hated me. I like to think now they hated me because I was so cool, but hey I like dancing to the beat of my own drum. One day in 9^th grade I got the shit kicked out of me, and my brand new Nike’s were pissed on (see blog entitle “Shoes.”) When I got home I ran upstairs and slammed my door, and my beloved parakeet was squawking up a storm. I yelled to Blueberry to shut up. He did. My voice scared him to death literally. He fell off the perch and died. That made my day so much worse and that’s when I decided I’ve had enough.

I went downstairs got the apple peeling knife and locked myself in my bathroom. For an hour I sat there and cried and cried and cried. I’m a clean person, so when the time came I decided to cut my wrists over the sink. I hate pain. I just got the knife to my wrist and with tear soaked eyes I saw my reflection in the mirror and couldn’t do it. How could I have come so far to let another person take a hold of my life? What the hell was I thinking? I then cried and cried some more and vowed from that day on I would live my life how I wanted. It is true you can be anything, and be anybody you want to be. You can do whatever you want.

May 05, 2003 I said the F word for the first time in my life. It was graduation night and as soon as I got my diploma in hand, I turned to the asshole classmates and told them all to fuck off! I never looked back. I moved on with my life and got a good education, surrounded myself with amazing people, and now am head of the sales and marketing division at a multi-million dollar company.

A few weeks ago I stopped at Burger King for some lunch and ran into an old high school bully, whom I’ve heard still talks crap about me behind my back even though it has been 9 years since I’ve seen, talked to, or heard from him. He asked how I was. Standoffish and on guard, I said I was fine. He told me he just got promoted to shift manager at Burger King…I cracked a smile. He was so excited and wanted to become Facebook friends. I stopped smiling. I replied “No, thank you. You made my life a living hell and still talk about me. Why would I want to be friends with you?” His jaw dropped like he was shocked I knew he still spewed venom toward my name. I laughed grabbed my lunch and told him “Oh, by the way I run the sales and marketing division of a multi-million dollar company. Thanks for giving me the drive to succeed in life.” I walked out.

Learn to turn all the negative into a positive and the world will be your oyster. I pray that for all of you struggling with bullies that you take a double take in the mirror and realize how amazing you are before you decide to alter your life forever. Everyone is special and those who survive bullying always come out on top.

Remember:

“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” Eleanor Roosevelt

I Love People Who Love People!!!

I am finally out of my Valentine/Whitney Death funk. I am back and I have some more light-hearted stories. I love people and see the best in everyone, granted I am not perfect and there are a few people who have no good inside them, but for the most part I love everyone. I do apologize for the past few “Debbie Downer” blogs. I don’t think I have ever been so hurt/depressed in my life till last week. I thought I had found the one who will change my life, and fell in love way to fast, but it was worth it. I thank God for the two really amazing months we had. And as of this moment I still do not know why the passing of Whitney Houston had such a grip on me. I am a hardcore fan of her and was hoping for a comeback from her. Maybe her death gave me an excuse to show the pain of the break up without really showing it, but in the end I was truly sad for both reasons. She was such a talent and had a great spirit about her and so did my ex.

Along my week long bout of depression I was blessed to meet some really awesome, beautiful souls. They don’t know it and probably will never know it, but their life zest helped me get out of my funk and reminded me of how much I do love life. I only spent a few hours with the people I am about to talk about, but they’re definitely worth mentioning.

The Drunken Father and Son

This past Sunday my friend, Staci, and I decided to take a spur of the moment shopping trip to Atlantic City. There we met up with my awesome high school buddy, Nikki. Those two girls had me in stitches all day. Because of them, that was the hardest I laughed in over a week.  We tried on some of the most ridiculous accessories just to get a rise out of each other. We hooted and hollered when each of us came out of the dressing room to model our new perspective outfits (which we bought everything we tried on.)

So after a long day of shopping and stuffing our faces at Ruby Tuesday, we decided it was time for a drink!!! Wild West Saloon here we come!!! Nikki and I were practically drooling over the anticipation of a Coco Blue. The three of us parked our very exhausted asses at the bar and ordered 3 Coco Blues. To our devastation, they no longer made them. Over-hearing our sadness, these two guys (a father and son on a bonding trip) told us to cheer up and bought us a round…simply because they “love people and like to make others happy.” We thanked them and continued to make new friends with these guys. Sadly Nikki had to leave early, although she was the only one with President’s Day off.

Drinks were flowing and the guys kept buying Staci and me drinks, and along the way we picked up the hilarious Peruvian couple. The husband had all of us laughing, but the wife’s facial expressions to everything said had us crying we were laughing so hard. She was gorgeous and had a Sophia Vegara look about her and exactly the same facial expressions. After hob knobbing for another hour the two guys got flagged and we all parted ways. To make new friends with complete strangers reminded why I love being out going. You can never have too many friends.

The Hawaiian Grandma on the Plane

I am always prepared to get stuck next to a boring or smelly person when I take a plane trip. Today was different. I had the pleasure of sitting next to this old Hawaiian grandma who smelled of honeysuckle and roses. We didn’t talk for the first few hours on the plane today (Mardi Gras 2012). We didn’t talk because we were both unconscious due to our butt-crack-of-dawn flight. We slept for about 2.5 hours before some really bad turbulence woke up the entire plane. We hit an air pocket and dropped right into the turbulence. I jumped awake and she let out a little scream and held my arm. Well once you take a dive like that you are not falling asleep again, so we got to talking. She is from the Philadelphia area and was on her way to Hawaii for a 5 week vaycay. We chatted nonstop for the next 4 hours of the flight. I was telling her about my dance lessons and family and she was regaling me of stories from when she was young.  Somehow the conversation about our families led to an ancestry discussion.

I came to know that she is a direct descendant of Portuguese royalty worked her whole life as a test subject for new medications. Sadly she caught an infection from one, never approved drug that destroyed her nerves in her legs and although she can walk, she uses a wheel chair full time due to the pain that has stricken her for the past 25 years. Holy crap! When I heard that I instantly thought “This woman is amazing!” We exchanged info before we deplaned and she has a grandson my age that she thinks we would be great friends. So, yay! New friends within a small time frame. After we deplaned right before I had to book it across the airport to catch my connecting flight, we became Facebook friends. Yup…it’s official…I am a friend to the elderly. She was so sweet and so in love with her family it brightened my day.

The Dance Instructor

The last stranger-turned-friend I will tell you about is my new dance instructor. This New Years I made one resolution and that was to keep my resolutions. I am a free spirit and a damn good person. I will bend over backwards for anybody, but in the past year I felt people were starting to take advantage of that. I realized, at the time, I put my life on hold for others. Although I absolutely love helping and bringing joy to others, I, myself wasn’t as happy as I once was. When I moved on my own I started to do little things for myself. I like to be a well-rounded person and have knowledge and skills in many different areas. I took up blogging, I stared painting again, I learned to bake and cook, and next week I will be taking a class on how to make my own soap…because I feel like it!

My grandparents were champion ballroom dancers in their younger years. I started getting myself in shape, but the gym is so boring, so I decided to take up ballroom dancing…because I am awesome!!! This past Thursday I had first private lesson. I was so nervous and it didn’t help that my instructor looked like a prettier version of Nicole from the Pussycat Dolls. Her energy and positivity had me calm in no time. I stumbled a few times, because I’m white, but in the end I still had rhythm. Within an hour we were chatting like we were old friends. Before you know it she and I were spinning around the dance floor. In just a little more than an hour, she taught me the Foxtrot and the Rumba.

At the end of the lesson she gave me the option to choose another instructor, but why would I do that? She was amazing and gave me the drive I needed to calm my nerves and gracefully float across the dance floor. She told me I am “light footed” (who knew?) and “quite graceful.” After I chose her to be my permanent instructor, she told me that if we trained hard enough, she wanted me to be her partner in a dance competition coming up in June. A little nervous, I asked “Seriously?” She in turn said “Well do you think you can do it?” I responded with “Hun, if I can do Single Ladies, I can do anything.” I really need to shut my mouth more often because right then and there she hit shuffle on her IPod and Single Ladies began. We were in the private studio, just the two of us, and I thought to myself “Just do it. This will get all your nerves out.” I wasn’t even up to the first “Ohh Ohh Ohh” part when she made me stop and told me to hold on. Next thing I know she brought in one of the other instructors and made me start all over again.

I didn’t care I always have fun being me. So I started, and once I got really into it I did not notice till the finish that 5 more people had joined the crowd. With the last “Ohh Ohh Ohh” applause erupted. The room is covered in mirrors and I was so into my craft, I wasn’t paying attention to the growing crowd…then again I never do. I bowed. The instructors laughed and complimented my form, and it became clear that yes, I will be her partner in June. Again, YAY NEW FRIENDS!!! I cannot wait to go back and spend more time perfecting a new found craft and hanging out with new friends…which we all made a date to hang out after lessons next week. Woohoo!!!

People rock…and so do I!!! I am back on top!!!

I Will Always Love You

Dear Whitney,

Saturday was just ONE OF THOSE DAYS. I was recovering from a break up the night before, and ALL AT ONCE my world came to a sudden stop. The world lost such a beautiful soul. I am so distraught that at 48 you had your last EXHALE. I don’t know what happened in your final hours. Maybe you thought “I HAVE NOTHING,” or maybe you were getting depressed as you were reminiscing about your life and friends and family thinking “DIDN’T WE HAVE IT ALL?” IT’S NOT RIGHT BUT IT’S OKAY because now you and your beautiful soul are at peace.

All of your fans, myself included, have SOMETHING IN COMMON. We ask ourselves “WHY DOES IT HURT SO BAD?” The answer is simple: Because we loved you and we will never stop THINKING ABOUT YOU. Honey, WE DIDN’T KNOW you didn’t feel our love. You are WHERE (DO) BROKEN HEARTS GO to mend. You asked yourself “HOW WILL I KNOW?” “Am I WORTH IT?” and “When will my ONE MOMENT IN TIME be?” You were (I’M) EVERY WOMAN’S role model in your hay day. To your fans, your life in itself was a MIRACLE and you worth more than a MILLION DOLLAR BILL to us. You made us believe that LOVE WILL SAVE THE DAY. Your family, friends, and fans will be FINE because we will take it STEP BY STEP. There AIN’T NO WAY we will let your memory fade.

I am personally distraught over your passing because, when having a bad day I would RUN TO YOU; LOOK TO YOU for comfort and cheer. Very few people know this, but your song THE GREATEST LOVE OF ALL saved my life many times when I was on the verge of giving up. I am sorry I couldn’t return the debt I owed to you. When I listened to you, I DIDN’T KNOW MY OWN STRENGTH. To this day (actually the Friday before the tragedy) I force DJs to play I WANNA DANCE WITH SOMEBODY at every club I go to. I know from now on, every time I hear MY LOVE IS YOUR LOVE, I will get oh SO EMOTIONAL.  It really is heart breaking and from now on the Beverly Hilton Hotel will be known as the HEARTBREAK HOTEL. You were always there to comfort me, but now I am going to TRY IT ON MY OWN. Why? You ask. I can do it because I LEARNED FROM THE BEST. You can COUNT ON ME to keep your name and memory alive.

My ONE WISH is that we would have had more time with you. MY HEART IS CALLING out to the Lord for you. The other night He responded with “Steve, WHEN YOU BELIEVE, as she did, all will be OK. I have her now” Now I know that when you meet our Creator, He is going to say “Whit, I have been SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU.” I also have no doubt that all your passed loved ones will be there waiting for you, waiving your own personal STAR-SPANGLED BANNER, welcoming you into eternity.

 IT ISN’T IT WASN’T IT AIN’T NEVER GONNA BE okay that we lost such an amazing talent. I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU!!! Rest in peace.

Love,

Steve, A Truly Indebted Fan

I'm Your Biggest Fan; I'll Follow You Forever!!!

If you have read my previous blogs, you know that I am a celebrity hunter. I love meeting celebs no matter what “list” they are on. Each time I go to approach one I get all giddy, and my palms start sweating, and before you know it I have forgotten how to speak…or I can’t shut up. Here are a few short stories of some of my encounters with some really cool celebs!!!

Patti Smith

When I was studying to become a photographer I had to do a research paper on Robert Mapplethorpe. I loved his art and his background story. I also loved the connection he had with his best friend, Patti Smith. One day I was reading the final draft to my best friend and she was so excited when I mentioned Patti Smith. I did not know how big a fan my Tuna was of Miss Smith, but she used the word “idol.” After the reading, we sat down and compared the many similarities that our relationship had versus their relationship. We were in fact both reincarnate of Mapplethorpe and Smith’s younger selves. Like fate, that same year Patti Smith wrote a book entitled Just Kids. It was the story of her and Mapplethorpe growing up in the 60’s. I tore into that book like it was nobody’s business.

Well one day I was on a little excursion in the city and saw a sign at the library that Patti Smith was autographing her new book on December 10, two days before my birthday. I immediately bought two tickets and told Tuna she had no choice, she was going out with me on the 10^th. She asked a dozen times what we were doing, and I kept it quiet for a few weeks, but she wore me down a couple days before the event. She couldn’t contain herself and the 10^th could not get there soon enough.

Next thing you know we are headed to the city for the big night. We had simulcast tickets, but we still enjoyed it. Patti was interviewed and she read excerpts from her book and gave a surprise mini concert. I was enthralled and I swear I saw a tear running down Tuna’s cheek. Yeah I made her happy that night.

Then it was time for the book signing. We stood in line and then the nerves started acting up. I had a couple CD covers and my book I wanted her to sign. Tuna brought her diary. Everything was going fine till Jew Fro approached us. Side Note: I have nothing against Jews I love them, in fact me being a Christian is like being an adopted Jew, but this guy needs to go!!! He runs the special events at the library. He rushes you and won’t even help you get a pic with your favorite celeb…worst person ever! I think all he needs is a nice hair cut and some serious action in the bedroom and he may lighten up. So any way back to the story…Jew Fro approached and wouldn’t let Tuna get her diary signed because it was not something from Patti Smith herself. I in turn gave Tuna, my CD covers to get signed while I kept the book. Tuna, got to chit chat with her idol and we got at few pics and then I got my book signed and also hobnobbed with Miss Smith herself. As we walked out completely satisfied I gave my Tuna a hug and handed her the book that Patti had signed for her. It was the cherry on top of the perfect night.

John Lithgow

A couple months ago, I heard that John Lithgow was coming into town on his book tour. I was ecstatic! I love 3^rd Rock from the Sun and one of my favorite childhood movies is Harry and the Hendersons. I could not buy the tickets fast enough. I had my Anna Banana go with me and we had a blast! We hit a happy hour first and went to see the show. It was phenomenal; JL is even funnier in person. He told jokes and sang songs. Our favorite part was when he sang The Manatee Song. We sang along and laughed obnoxiously. After the interview was over we all moved upstairs for the autograph session. We were one of the firsts to get in line and the line was surprisingly short for an actor of his caliber. While waiting in line, always the entertaining crew, we did The Charleston. Half way through our number, Mr. Lithgow walked right in between us. Our eyes widened and we smiled and shook his hand. OMG!!! We just shook John Lithgow’s hand!!! We were as giddy and Tracy and Penny were when Link said hi to them in Hairspray (the new one.) We were like 5^th and 6^th in line.

I meet authors often so I know the procedure now. We tucked our book covers into the title page for easy access and I slid my Harry and the Henderson’s DVD cover in the book as well…AND THEN JEW FRO SHOWED UP!!! Ugh I don’t hate the guy, but if he takes my shit out of my hand one more time I will call him Jew Fro to his face…after I get my pics and signatures. He approached, grabbed my book, took my DVD cover and said “Put this away Mr. Lithgow isn’t signing anything, but his book.” I in turn said “Ok no problem, but don’t take my stuff out of my hand again.” I used to be a magician so with a slight of hand the cover disappeared and reappeared in my book cover. I turned toward Anna, and said “If he loves his fans, he’ll sign this for me.”

Finally it was our turn to go up. Giddy and all the two of us shuffled up to the table I took Anna’s pic as she got her book signed. I then handed her the camera and within a blink of an eye my H&H cover was in front of Mr. Lithgow and my book was right behind it. Beat red, Jew Fro stepped up to the table and said “I told you he’s not signing anything but the book.” I winked at him and turned toward JL and said calmly “Mr. Lithgow I am such a huge fan and this is my favorite movie. It would mean the world to me if you just initialed it.” I must be part Jewish because my mom and I know how to lay the guilt on someone. JL looked up and said “Of course, I love my fans.” He signed on both items “Steve Thanks for being a fan. John Lithgow.” I WIN!!! I looked up, smile beaming from ear to ear, said thank you, shook his hand, sent a cocky smile to Jew Fro and left.

Josh Ritter

For those of you who don’t know Josh Ritter, I think you need to get to know him. He is an amazing folk singer with a voice as smooth as butter accompanied by a gruffness of grated cheese. (Don’t question my metaphors; enjoy them.)Also he is NOT the son of John Ritter…that would be Jason. Anyhoo, I saw that he was coming to the Philadelphia Library to promote his first book. I love his music; I love him so of course his book was going to be great…which it was!!! So I bought a single ticket (because my friends are losers and did not want to tag along.) Josh and Carly Simon are the singers I listen to, to calm down or go to my happy place. I came prepared with my CDs, book, and camera. The interview was great he seemed like a really nice guy. Although you’ll never notice it when he sings, he has a stutter when he gets nervous…makes him even cooler than he already is. He performed a few of his favorite songs for the crowd. After the impromptu concert us fans headed up the stairs to stand in line for his autograph.

Sadly there were only like 20 people who stayed for his autograph; happily I was 3^rd in line. He took forever talking to the girls in front of me. Then just as I was about to approach, my arch enemy, Jew Fro, stepped in front of me. This time he didn’t take anything out of my hands, but asked me if I wanted him to take a pic of Josh and me. I was dumfounded, my enemy had found my weakness, kindness. , I of course ecstatic, practically threw my camera at him, and walked up to Josh.

Josh, unlike most authors, was not sitting, but standing to greet his fans. I walked up and extended my hand to shake his. He asked “What’s that for?” and opened his arms for a hug. OMG! A celeb wants to hug me??? YES PLEASE!!! Going with the flow, I hugged him. Not going to lie, the hug lingered long enough for me to catch his scent. He smelled of pine trees and fresh streams with a hint of pot. We NEEDED to be friends. We chit chatted for a few minutes. At the time I had been really stressed at work and home so he was constantly playing on my IPod. I thanked him for keeping me sane in the down times. We posed for some pics then he invited me (and a few others) to join him for a drink afterward. I did. He also put my name on “the list” for his next concert in Philly at World Café Live.

I went to my car and drove to the club it was some house club in Center City. I walked in and there was a small crowd. I was by myself, which makes me nervous, but totally gives me a chance to be amazing! I saw the two girls who were in line before me. We chatted for a second in line so that meant I was their new bff. We had a beer before Josh arrived. There were about 5 other fans and his entourage that joined the party. Oh, and Jew Fro was there. We actually got to talk he’s a nice guy, single. As soon as he told me I was like “I knew it!” He totally needed to get laid that’s why he’s so cranky. Josh was cool he talked to everybody, made us feel like family instead of a fan. By the end of the night I had a friend request from JR. I was on cloud nine!!!

I never made it to his next concert due to a business trip. But I tore through his book in a day. I gave it an amazing review. We still chat on fb one or two times a month. He is the example of how celebs should treat their fans. JR is amazing and you will love his music and his book, Bright’s Passage.

Thanks Josh, you are the best!!!

To Be Continued

Please stay tuned for the following celeb stories:

Freaking Out Tina Fey, Trembling With Mark Wahlberg, and Salad Dressing and Monica Potter!!!

A Certain Lily Allen Song

For those of you who know me personally, you know I am Mr. Personality. I am happy-go-lucky all the time. Well today I am hurting and quite frankly pissed off. So allow me to vent in my moment of weakness and despair.

CAUTION EXPLICIT CONTENT BELOW: Don’t say I didn’t warn you bitch!

To all the guys from high school who keep friending me on Facebook, you made my life a living hell…F*** OFF!!!

To anybody who thinks they are better than any one person…F*** YOU!!! You’re obviously not the great person you think you are.

To all the addicts who keep relapsing…STOP F***ING YOURSELF!!! You can get clean if you tried.

To the people who stick their noses where they don’t belong…F*** YOU!!! Get a life.

To anyone who snickers under your breath when you see a gay…GO F*** A GOAT!!! They are some of the nicest people I know. They just want to fit it.

To all those who think you know best…YOU NEED A GOOD F***!!! This is the reason no one likes you.

To anyone who makes me feel inadequate or that I am not good enough for you. F*** YOURSELF WITH A CUCUMBER!!! I’m freaking awesome, and will be perfectly satisfied in life…unlike you.

To all those who say “I don’t like the direction your life is headed.”…F*** YOUR MOTHER!!! 1) I love my life. 2) You maybe a reason I am headed the complete opposite way of your life. 3) Its my life. 4) GO F*** YOURSELF!!!

To anyone else who may piss me off along my life path…F*** YOU VERY MUCH!!! I need more inspiration for this blog.

To all those reading this…THANKS FOR LETTING ME F***ING VENT!!! You rock!!!

To all my amazing friends…LET’S HAVE A F***ING GOOD TIME TONIGHT!!! Love you!!!

WITH F***ING LOVE,

STEVE