The Late Night Double Feature Picture Show Review

So as many of you know, I may be a little too in love with The Rocky Horror Picture Show. It is hands down the best, worst movie ever. Well last night FOX aired a live version of the play. At first I was against the remake, and judging by the previous live plays that have aired the last few years, I felt for sure FOX was going to ruin this great show as well. Well months went by and I began reading articles about the play and then the cast list dropped. Now I my interest was piqued. I love Laverne Cox in Orange Is The New Black, but I love love love Tim Curry and wasn't sure if she could hold a candle to him. (I'll get back to that later on.) Well October 20th showed up, and of course I was going to watch the performance. I only wanted to watch it to see how bad they would screw it up, and so I could text my other die hard friends during the performance to mock their interpretation.

Below is my review of the new RHPS: Live. A compare and contrast of the characters/actors will be listed as they appeared in the latest version. I will then throw in some random thoughts. Enjoy.

Ivy Levan- Usherette (Science Fiction/Double Feature)

Now that is how you get my attention! Who is this chick? Not only is she gorgeous, she has an amazing set of pipes on her. I love the way she opened the show. I was not disappointed. She needs to sing the next Bond theme. Also I love the Tarantino vibe the opening had. I hope to see Ivy in future productions. I give her 5/5 stars because I am the writer, and what I say goes.*****

Ryan McCartan/Barry Bostwick- Brad Majors, A Hero (ASSHOLE!!!)

One word: Swoon! So in the original, Brad is my least favorite character. Ryan actually made me like the character. He needs to work on his timing, but his voice made up for what he lacked in acting skills. I found the original Brad too bumbly for my taste, but the new version of Brad was portrayed as super confident, and that is what the character needed. Overall I enjoyed McCartan's portrayal. I give him 5/5 stars. *****

Victoria Justice/Susan Sarandon- Janet Weiss, A Heroine (SLUT!!!)

Oh sweet, innocent Janet Weiss what can I say about you. Victoria Justice did what she needed to do to make this part work. Her timing was off a few times, but her rendition of Touch-A, Touch-A, Touch Me was flawless. Justice had one thing going for her and that is her singing voice is way more soothing than Susan Sarandon's voice. Now having said that, Sarandon wins this battle. Although she is not the greatest singer, she is and will always be Janet Weiss. I give Justice 3/5 stars.***

Reeve Carney/Richard O'Brien- Riff Raff, A Handyman

Hate. Hate. Hate. Double Hate. Loathe entirely!!! Nothing compares to Richard O'Brien's Riff Raff. Carney was not hitting the mark. His voice is nice, but seriously who screws up The Time Warp??? Tim Curry had a stroke and still sang his part better than Carney did. Drunks during karaoke can sing that song on point, and you call yourself a professional. He was too pretty to play the role of Riff Raff. Also Riff Raff is pretty darn creepy in the original. Carney gets 1/5 stars because eww! Seriously you messed up The Time Warp!!!*

Christina Milian/Patricia Quinn- Magenta, A Domestic (WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE COLOR?)

Magenta is my favorite character in the whole play! Patricia Quinn set the bar really high with her original performance. I was excited to see what Christina Milian would do with the role. I just love her. I enjoyed her performance. The only thing that would have made it better is if she toned down her perkiness a notch. The original Magenta had a more sinister vibe. I would have liked to seen that side of Milian. I give her 4/5 stars because I'm a fan.****

Annaleigh Ashford/Little Nell Campbell- Columbia, A Groupie

First off, I am one of the rare people who actually enjoys Columbia. Before RHSP: Live, I have never heard of Ashford. I really enjoyed her performance. I think out of the entire new cast she was the only one to hit her mark every single time with Columbia's character. She nailed it. I wouldn't mind seeing her in other things. I believe Little Nell would be proud of this performance. I give her 5/5 stars.*****

Staz Nair/Peter Hinwood- Rocky Horror, A Creation (OOH!!!)

Well what can you about a non-speaking role? Nair had better dance moves than Hinwood. This character was actually played very well, even if we had to settle for gold lame basketball shorts instead of booty shorts. Thanks FOX! Nair gets 4/5 stars.****

Ben Vereen/Jonathan Adams- Dr. Everett Scott, A Rival Scientist (KISS ASS!!!)

Aww Ben Vereen is back in my life!!! I haven't seen him since he was Mayor Ben on Zoobilee Zoo. There is not much to say about this character. Nobody I have ever met loves Dr. Scott. The character is mediocre at best. I give Vereen 3/5 stars based solely off my love for Mayor Ben.***

Adam Lambert/Meatloaf- Eddie, An Ex Delivery Boy (EDDIE! EDDIE!)

In both versions of RHPS Eddie's five minute appearance is always on the top of my list of favorite scenes. Who doesn't love Hot Patootie? Nailed it. I give Lambert 4/5 stars simply because the scene is too short in either version.****

Laverne Cox/Tim Curry- Dr. Frank-N-Furter, A Scientist (ANOTHER HELPING OF CURRY PLEASE!!!)

Miss Cox had a very tight corset to fill. Putting all bias aside (TIM CURRY RULES ALL!) I gave her a chance. Once I got over the fact that Frank-N-Furter wasn't Tim Curry, I quite enjoyed Laverne Cox' take on the role. Her timing was spot on. She was pretty comical in this role. Her wardrobe was out of this world. (Pun intended.)The lady also has some sweet dance moves. The only thing I could not stand about Cox was he voice kept changing pitch during the songs she sang. Technically she has a good voice, but the frequent pitch change was off putting. I also think she was trying too hard to mimic Curry's voice, even though she nailed it a few times. She wasn't bad at all, but she didn't live up to the hype. I give Miss Cox 3/5 stars.***

Tim Curry/Charles Gray- A Criminologist, An Expert

First of all, TIM CURRY!!! This man had a stroke a few years back and he still did a wonderful job. How he nailed his part during The Time Warp, and Reeve Carney couldn't even get his timing down is beyond me. Curry was in this play for four minutes and he nailed it. To be honest he was the real reason I chose to watch RHPS: Live in the first place. Long live the real Dr. Frank-N-Furter! I give him 6/5 stars because, he's Tim FREAKING Curry!******

The Time Warp

The world has been dancing to this song for forty-one years! Any Halloween or horror fan knows this song by heart. The die-hard fans (me) know the dance. Like I have mentioned before, the cast ruined this song and dance. I have seen professional versions, neighborhood productions, drunk people at karaoke, Tim Curry after suffering a stroke, and myself in the shower belting out this tune, and never once did I hear it screwed up as bad as the cast did in RHPS: Live. I was quite disappointed. Reeve Carney, your rendition of this classic gets 0/5 stars. Seriously who messes this song up?

The Floor Show 

Can we please talk about The Floor Show? Two words: NAILED IT! It was flawless. Even though the outfits were changed due to censorship, the cast rocked the new look. Again Laverne was kind of pitchy, but that Tina Turner-esque dance sequence/vibe won be over. McCartan and Justice prancing around in their corsets and stockings was a perfect homage to the original flair of the movie, and wow did they look hot! McCartan, we all saw that little leg extension slip up. Kudos on making that look like it wasn't an accident. This is my favorite song in the entire script. I even have "Don't dream it, be it" tattooed on my arm. Love. Love. Loved this rendition. This performance gets 5/5 stars...because I said so!*****

Sexuality/Sensuality

At first I was nervous when I heard this very, sexually charged play was airing on FOX, a conservative network. Somehow the director pulled it off, and for that I am grateful. RHPS would be nothing without the sex factor. After all, it is a movie about sexual awakening. I thought each sexual scene was done very tastefully, and gave the audience just enough to let their imagination run wild. I'm glad the network and director found a happy medium.

I don't know what your favorite part of play was, but mine was definitely watching Laverne Cox prance and stumble around the cemetery during Dammit Janet. I could not stop laughing. I even rewound the scene a few times just to laugh harder.

So in summery, RHPS: Live was definitely the best play to air live over the past few years. Sure the cast has is relatively new and have some things to work on, but hey, they are up there doing it. My fandom of the movie has me a little bias. I did not think this play was the greatest thing ever, but it sure was not a bad performance. I would watch it again. Knowing me, I'll probably own it when it comes out on DVD. Just remember to...

Steve Barber Jr.

Turning the Page

What to do? What to do? For the past two months, I have seriously been reevaluating my life and who I am. I still don’t know who I am, but I do know who I want to become. Sarcasm is my defense mechanism. Those who know me best know that my mouth can be my greatest weapon and can destroy someone instantly if I am attacked. It’s pretty sad that I have that ability. I love to have this weapon in my corner when a fight arises, but this past year I have been out of control. Of course I am dealing with personal issues, but it’s still no excuse to hurt those around me. Sometimes I don’t even know I am doing it.

For Lent, I gave up gossiping and talking bad about others. The first week I caught myself about to say something negative almost every hour. It got easier over the following forty days, but wow the “once an hour” statistic kept bothering me. Had this once pleasant man, really turned into this pretty big asshole? Yes, yes he did. I had a lot of turmoil going on, but I did not expect it to work its way out via words and actions. I joked all month that I hoped this experiment would not change me. Luckily it did. Do I still get a good laugh at people tripping or wearing an odd outfit? Yes, I do.  Can I control my tongue and think before I speak? Yes, I finally learned this was a “real thing” someone can do. I have been working really hard at guarding my tongue, and to my surprise, I am pretty successful at doing so.

I have since apologized to those who I have hurt along the way and for the most part everyone has accepted my apology and it has made my relationships stronger. On this journey, I saw who was a real friend and who was just dragging me down. I am slowly but surely cutting all the negative things and people out of my life. This is just one small step to become who I want to be as a man.

Many exciting changes are coming. I am excited for the rekindling of old friendships and making current relationships stronger. I have a new lease on life. My new thing to do it accept other’s for who they are and not judge them at all. I have held in so much bitterness or lacked trust in someone because I judged them on their choices. After this realization, I felt euphoric. Nobody wants an unwarranted opinion, I certainly do not. To get respect you have to earn it.

Sadly, I may lose a few people along the way of this new journey, but I am OK with that. It’s not a loss, great times were had, but it’s time for their chapter in my life to end. In life you can move forward like a river and enjoy new experiences, or you can stay content and become stagnant like a pond. I’m tired of my mundane, boring life. I want to begin a new and exciting one.

I Bet You Didn't See This Coming.

Disclaimer: This is not a woe is me story. This is a story what I have gone through to become the man I am today.

I cannot remember the exact date I started therapy/counseling/hardcore praying, but it has been about a decade, and it’s time I stop it. I have suffered with severe depression and anxiety for many, many years, but I have been masking it with a smile. I have been to psychiatrists, pastors, and counselors. (Both secular and Christian) I have taken medicine for my burden, but it does not do anything for me, and I prefer the holistic way of life anyway.

As most of you know, I am a Christian and love the Lord with all my heart. Some people may mock that, but it doesn’t bother me because I know that if it weren’t for Him, I may not be here today. Hiding behind a mask fills you with anxiety which leads to depression, and I am no longer afraid to mention that I have had plenty of suicidal thoughts. Luckily the Lord has been there for me. I mean my friends are the best people in the whole wide world, and my family is even more awesome, but there are some things that cannot be discussed with them and as I felt, needed to be suppressed.

Being born and raised in a Christian/Republican environment, I uphold myself to a certain set of standards, and out of respect for others in the same environment I have kept my problems to myself. My favorite verse is Philippians 4:13. It states “I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me.” It’s so true. That’s my life motto. This verse has kept me away from blades and bridges and at the same time it has given me the inner strength to allow me to overcome hurdles that have been put on my life’s track.

Many of my family and friends always tell me how cool they think I am because I see something I want to do and I go and do it. (I.e. travel the world, sing crazy karaoke songs, or just go see Gladys Knight in concert.) Little do you know, but I wrote out my Bucket List when I was twenty-three years old. The “easy way out” thoughts came a little too often back then and I truly love life. Even though I have had these thoughts, and even though the Lord has intervened each time, I truly love life and wish I was immortal. There are so many things to do during this one shot we get, so if I see something I really love, I do it because you never know when it will all come to an end. I want to die laughing with memories instead of full of regrets.

Most of you know I enjoy food and liquor, but because of this burden weighing on my heart all these years, I have over eaten and imbibed too much at times. The stress of it all has me gaining weight, losing my hair, putting my health at risk, using obnoxious sarcasm, lying to those I love, and in my early 20’s, I self-medicated with drugs here and there. I am tired of it all and I am finally ready to put this all behind me and move on.

The Bible says in John 8:32 “And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.”  After digging down deep I knew exactly what had brought everything on. Actually I knew from the very beginning. I am not an ignorant person, in fact I am quite intelligent, and yet I brought this all on myself because I was not happy with the way I was created.

For twenty years now (yes, I started this at 10 years old.) I have been praying and praying for God to take this burden off of my shoulders. I have prayed for it to cease many, many times. The Lord only gives three answers to prayer, they are yes, no, and wait. The last few counseling sessions I had with one of my assistant pastors, he asked me if I ever thought of changing the prayer or rewording it. No I knew what I wanted and never thought of changing my prayer.

I have prepared myself for every possible worst case scenario. I thought about me, me, and me. The Bible also states in I Corinthians 2:11 “For what man knoweth the things of a man, save the spirit of man which is in him?” People may mock the spiritual aspect of my life, and others may mock my human side. Either way over the years, I have become so close to my God through this battle that the opinions of others about me no longer matter to me.  I may not even be here today, if it weren’t for my Lord keeping his hand of protection around me.

So about eight months ago, I changed my prayer. After twenty years of relentless prayer with no answer, I came to terms of growing old by myself, and I would be just fine with that. I came to terms like this to protect my family, whom many share the same beliefs as I do. I also kept my secret so long because I was afraid to lose what I love most in this world, them. No offence to my friends, you guys are perfect, but one can always make more friends throughout life. One cannot replace a family member.

The blame is on me. I put myself through hell all these years because I wanted more time with my family. I also made the huge mistake of not believing in the ones I loved the most, and underestimated their love. So eight months ago I changed my prayer and instead of asking the Lord to rid me of this shame, I asked Him, if it was His will, to put someone in my life to help me. Within in four months I had an answer.

Many of you know, a few weeks ago I went to an anointing service at my church. Yes, I asked for anointing and prayer to heal my back, but I also asked the pastor to pray that I calm my drinking down and that I would have the strength to finally say what I needed to say. He looked me right in the eyes and said “The truth will set you free, Steve. Tell your family and friends what you have been struggling with and all the problems will go away. It then dawned on me that all these years, the root of my drinking, drug use, rudeness, stress related pain, and every other negative thing in my life was this problem. I have talked with some people already and my back pain has been dissipating rapidly, the consumption of alcohol has decreased and all my friends have said I have become even happier than I was because now it shows on my face and not behind a faux smile.

I know it’s not ideal, and if I had the choice to choose who I become, I would probably choose a different path. I am tired of being anxious. I am tired of being depressed. For the first time in years I am finally to the point where I accept who I am. God, created us all different and these were the cards I was dealt. I wish I would have said something years ago and saved myself so much heartache. I am finally ready to admit that I am gay. I have struggled for years with this and I truly was afraid to lose the people around me that I love so much.

I believe God created me this way, and I know I will deal with this when Judgement Day comes, but that is my problem. I do not ask you to accept this, but I do ask for your continued love. If I lose friends and family over this, I am OK with that, but those people will still be loved by me, and will always have a place in my heart. I am only telling you this because the rumor mill is worse than a puppy mill, and I wanted you all to hear it from me first. I will answer all appropriate questions, and I will not tolerate rude comments.

My immediate family and grandparents have my back and now that they know, I feel I am free and the burden is gone forever. I felt I could express myself better in the written word than face to face. I love you all.

-Steve

Prologue To "My Roaring 20's"

Prologue

12/11/13

On the eve of my 29^th birthday, I am filled with both fear and excitement. Fear because this is the last year of my 20’s and I know after almost a decade of partying it up, it’s time to close that chapter in my life. I am also excited because it’s my birthday, my very own holiday! I am also excited because this year I promised myself that I would cross off a few things on my bucket list, have a few new experiences, and maybe, along the way, I am going to grow up.

I will be documenting this crazy ride. It’s going to be filled with fun, laughter, experience, and hopefully no bumps in the road, but hey, we’ll cross those hurdles when they come around. I also must warn you, there will definitely be a day or two where I will end up in sweatpants, order a pizza, and watch a 7 hour marathon of Law & Order: SVU. Truthfully, we all need those lazy days, especially after those wild nights.

Well strap yourself in and here we go. Wish me luck.  Let the adventure begin!!!

58 Things To Do Before Summer Ends

55 Things To Do Before Summer Ends!!!

Have a bonfire on the beach, in your back yard, at your mom’s house.
Find a nature trail, a spot on a map, a new town you haven’t visited.
Go on a road trip.
Make a playlist with your favorite tunes.
Invite some friends over.
Or don’t.
Find a really divey bar.
 Play a song on the jukebox.
Have a drink with an old man who will tell you stories.
Buy a one-time use camera.
Take a walk in the woods.
Let yourself get lost.
Notice the fullness of the trees,
Notice the sounds of summer all around you,
Notice the way the air smells different here.
Watch some bugs.
Take pictures.
Keep exploring.
Go somewhere and watch the sunset.
Eat salt water taffy.
Listen to a lot of Top 40 music.
Go to a carnival.
Go to a county fair.
Eat your weight in fried foods – elephant ears, fried Oreos, onion rings.
Play a game.
Win a stuffed animal.
Go on a ride.
People watch.
Take more photos.
Make a fort out of pillows.
Go fishing.
Have a root beer float.
Send a postcard.
Drink beers on a porch, on a patio, on a stoop, on a roof.
Say hi to someone who walks by.
Make someone laugh.
Have a dance party for one.
Watch a meteor shower in an open field.
Have a beach day,
Have a rainy day next to a window,
Have a sick day you take off to nap in the sun.
Kiss someone you think is really great.
Drink sangria.
Have a cookout.
Hang out with someone who has a pool, a lake house, a cottage, or just something somewhere you can get away to for a while and forget about who you are.
Read a book.
Read another book.
Eat a lot of ice cream.
Visit a friend you haven’t seen in a long time.
Get lost in conversation until 3 in the morning.
Go see a movie.
Think about someone you miss.
Listen to a song that makes you feel alive.
Go to a park.
Go to a festival.
Go to movie night in the park.
Go to a playground.
Wish this moment could last forever.

Things To Do Before I Turn 30

Well I have been keeping quite on here because I had a publisher interested in turning this blog and my other stories into a book. When everything was said and done, they turned it down. So I am back to my blog and I am prepping myself for another book I will be penning.

The next book will be a journal of The Last Year of My 20's. Yes that will be the title and I am aiming for the demographic of early 20's (to see what the have to look forward to) to late 30's (to reminisce about their last hoo-rah of their wild days.) My goal is to check off a few more things from my Bucket List and put myself in some more crazy situations. It will be light hearted and the stories will not be embellished, but I cannot promise that I won't manipulate the situation at that present time to make for a better story. Also there may be some entries where it says "Thursday I ordered pizza, changed into sweatpants, and watched 6hrs of Law & Order: SVU.

Now there are 365 days to document and here is just a taste of what will be happening in this upcoming year. This is my Must Be Done List:


       1)      Swim with dolphins

2)      Skydive

3)      Mardi Gras in New Orleans, LA

4)      Take a trip through a bayou

5)      Lose weight

6)      Explore Belgium and Amsterdam

7)      Vacation at an all-inclusive resort

8)      Party on 2^nd Street on New Year’s Day

9)      Meet Betty White

10)   Go on a hot air balloon ride

11)   Attend as many concerts as I can

12)   See a Broadway play

13)   Audition for a Broadway play

14)   Milk a cow

15)   Observe the embalming process

16)   Announce to crowd that they all look amazing and I wish them all to have a wonderful day

17)   Go whale watching

18)   Go to Coney Island

19)   Go to the Drunken Monkey in Staten Island

20)   Get more tattoos

21)   Go to the Chinese New Year’s parade in Chinatown

22)   Get a pic of an elephant trunk wrapped around my arm

23)   Host an art gala of my own artwork

24)   Finish my masterpiece

25)   Learn to play the harp

26)   Publish my book

2012

So what did you do last year? Did you stick to your resolutions? Did you make a change in your life? Did you better yourself at all in 2012?

My resolutions for last year were simple. They were; learn something new and make at least one person smile a day. For the first time ever, I stuck with my resolutions, and my life was made better by it. I felt more fulfilled each time I made someone’s day a little brighter with a smile. To me a smile is everything. I love making people happy. Life is great! Why not enjoy it every chance you can? To me, brightening up someone’s day is the most rewarding thing in life.

Now as far as learning/doing something new, this year blew my mind. I am just going to ramble off a list of small accomplishments throughout 2012 this way you will know what to look forward to in the upcoming posts.

In 2012 I learned to/did:

1)      Cook

2)      Bake

3)      Ballroom Dance

4)      Partook in a flash mob

5)      Traveled around the country

6)      Got a book deal

7)      Empowered myself

8)      Lost weight

9)      Perfected/Retired “Single Ladies”

10)   Dropped some dead weight people in my life

11)   Made some new friends

12)   Survived an apocalypse

13)   ENJOYED EVERY MINUTE OF MY YEAR!!!

 

I hope you are ready for the posts that are lined up for you. You will definitely enjoy them.

 

The Hipster

The other day a hipster made fun of my shoes.
Called them diabetic shoes.
I rolled my eyes and laughed him off.
Turned toward him and said "They're all the rage in South Jersey."
The hipster now wears the same shoes.

Blast In A Can

Oh 28!!!

So I just turned 28. I still don’t know how I feel about that. I definitely do not feel any older, but I am a little terrified that I only have 2 years left before the big 3-0. My plan as of right now is to stay 28 for the next 7 years, but we’ll play it by ear. Since this year was my “lucky year,” I made sure I had a very memorable birthday celebration. By “lucky year” I mean my lucky number is 12 and this is 2012 and my birthday was 12/12/12, and you get the picture.

The Saturday before my birthday, I kicked off the weeklong celebration by meeting Rachel Ray and her husband, John Cusimano at a book signing. Along with my friend, Amanda, and I, my parents and cousin came. We arrived hours early to make sure we had a spot in the crowd, and it paid off. Our seats we close to the stage and the interview was hilarious. Those two reminded me of the old hecklers from The Muppets. After the Q&A we all filed upstairs to get our books signed.

Weeks prior to this event, Amanda and I hatched a plan to network with Rachel and her hubby. As you all know, I am a photographer on the side and my goal was to have them pass my card on to someone who would “discover” my talents. Well Amanda is a baker, and makes a really delicious cupcake, and her goal was to get Rachel Ray to fall in love with her cupcakes. Well as we were in line, we started getting nervous and doubting ourselves. We finally decided the way to move ahead was to offer them something from this exchange of cards. Amanda wrote on her card “Good for 1 dozen cupcakes.” I wrote on mine, “First order is free.” And then the moment of truth came along.

As I approached Rachel and John, they were nothing but giggles and smiles. She thanked me for coming out and asked me how I was. I responded: “I’m doing great! Thank you guys for coming down to Philly and starting off my birthday week with a bang.” As soon as I said birthday, both of their heads shot up from the table and in unison, they wished me happy birthday. Well that gave me the courage to give them my card. I told them both it was good one free order. They high fived each other and he put the card in his pocket while she tucked it into her blouse!

The next few days were a bit of a blur. Sunday, I have the family birthday party at Outback Steakhouse. Monday, I hung out with a few friends who were home for the holidays. Tuesday, I spent half the day with Mom going to visit our holistic doctor in Maryland. Wednesday was my actual birthday. I had the day off from work, and again I went out with my mom.

We went to the mall to do some shopping and get a massage. Also my teddy bear that also turned 28 on December 12 got re-stitched and re-stuffed at Build-A-Bear. Yes I still have my childhood bear, he’s my family heirloom. The ladies at Build-A-Bear sang me happy birthday as they stitched Ralph up. Mind you I am a 28 year old man and the store was filled with two year olds. I spent the rest of my birthday at home watching old black and white movies. Thursday was my recover-from-the-week-get-ready-for-the-weekend day! Then came Friday, I went out with my friend Joel and Carissa. It was an oddly tame night. Then again the real party was happening on Saturday night!!!

Since I am friends with many people in high places in Philadelphia, I was able to make a list of friends to get into the bar for free. It all started around 8:30. People were arriving one by one and the drinks were arriving two by two. Every bartender, bouncer, friend, and even the head manager of the club bought me a drink. Then the dancing started, and sadly, I had to retire my beloved Single Ladies. It’s been 3 years now and I figured since I am moving on with life it’s now time to move on with another dance.

As the night came to a close, I dropped everyone off at their respective dwellings. I had just dropped off my dear friend, Britney, and I stopped at 7/11 for some water because I was parched. Not even two seconds of pulling out of the parking lot, a cop pulls me over because I forgot to turn my headlights back on after I exited the store. I almost died!!! I’m not stupid, I know my limit and I knew I was OK to drive home safely. The officer asked me how many I had had. I responded with 3 and never changed my answer. He asked why I was out and I told him it was my birthday weekend. He asked, with a smile on his face, “Why are you driving if it’s your birthday?” I responded “I don’t know, but can you talk to my friends about that?” He laughed and asked me step out of the vehicle.

Mama always taught me to respect authority and that I do. The officer told me if I could pass his tests, he would let me go home and enjoy the rest of my night. Well first he had me pat my head and rub my stomach, thank you Kindergarten for teaching me that! Then he asked me to balance on one foot for 5 seconds and then the other for another 5. Done! I have impeccable balance. He then asked me to walk the line, in my head I was humming Johnny Cash’s song and you know what? I walked the line like I was a pro gymnast walking on the balance beam. Then he said “OK one last thing. Without singing I want you to say your ABC’s D-S.” I responded “Yes Sir D-S.” He chuckled and I sang A-B-C in my head and proceeded to say D-S without any problem.

This guy knew I was good to go, but to be on the safe side he called his friend in who was another officer. When that officer arrived he made me follow the pen with my eyes not my head. I nailed it! I was so good at it the second officer said “Why are you so good at this?” I said “Sir, you’re the one that asked me to do this; I’m just doing what you said.” They both knew I was OK, but they had one last test for me.

The first responding officer dropped a penny on the ground and told me to pick it up and I can go home. Well around 7pm earlier that night I had just seen a YouTube clip with the same scenario except the drunk bent over and face planted into the pavement. So remembering this, I squatted down, grabbed the penny and handed it to the officer. He then told me “I told you to bend over and pick it up.” I replied “Sir everyone knows when you are picking something up you bend with the knees not the back.” Both officers chuckled and they told me to get home safe. They then handed me back my license and registration and wished me a happy birthday and then I did the unthinkable. I HUGGED THE OFFICERS AND THANKED THEM FOR LETTING ME GO!!! I got back in my car, questioned my life’s direction, and drove home.

Sober enough to pass all the tests; drunk enough to hug the officers!!!

NOW THAT WAS A BLAST IN A CAN!!!

Amarillo to Albuquerque

Our goal for the day was to make it to Albuquerque from St. Louis. First we had to get through Oklahoma. Although Oklahoma looks smaller than some states on the map, I can guarantee it’s an optical illusion. It took us nearly all day, sunrise to sunset, to travel through Oklahoma. Even though it was such a long drive, it was quite peaceful and oddly lonesome. There were very few cars on the road and at times we would drive an hour or more without seeing any cars at all. The most glorious thing we saw in OK was the Field of Windmills.

The windmills were so grand. I’m sure you have seen them before in movies. Any movie with a road trip in it usually has a clip of them driving through a patch of huge, white, energy making windmills. That’s them. We took plenty of pics and were so amazed by the sheer volume of them. The field went on for a few miles with 20+ windmills in each section. Later in our trip we saw a tractor trailer hauling just one of the blades and it was longer than the trailer itself. It’s a miracle what man can do.

Just as the sun was setting over the horizon, we crossed the border into Texas. We were so happy we had a little dance party under the welcome sign. At this time we only had a few hours till we hit Amarillo. Texas was so beautiful the land was so open and so clean. Aside from the few murder houses we passed, the state was amazing. The only problem we had while driving was the locusts. Do you know the statement “Everything is bigger in Texas.”? Well it’s true as we were speeding along we were hit by what at first we thought was a toddler from the car in front of us. It turns out it was a locust and the blood splatter was a little less than horrific. At one point in our trip we drove through a plague of locust and my front bumper was never the same.

It was 8pm and we were almost in Amarillo. We pulled over at the rest area before we hit the city to change clothes and freshen up. Our first stop in Amarillo was Cadillac Ranch. Story has it a millionaire who collected the high end cars passed and his children buried them nose deep standing up. Nowadays people go there to spray paint their names on one of the luxury cars. We arrived when it was pitch black. We armed ourselves with our flashlights and I had my taser prepared. We were in shorts and flip flops and as soon as we took that one step too far from the car we suddenly became aware that we were in said footwear and were surrounded my rattlesnake holes.

I am terrified of snakes let alone ones that can kill you. We walked hastily and carefully. It was so dark you could not see the Caddies until you were right on top of them. Yes, that was the scenario for acres and acres, and we walked through it in flip flops. The ground was littered with empty spray cans and plastic bags. Every time I heard a bag rustle in the wind, I sent a pray up, had a minor panic attack, and squeezed Carissa’s hand a little tighter. We etched our names into the cars and took plenty of pics then we realized we were not alone. There was some guy at the last car doing whatever, in our scared minds we thought he was preparing an alter to sacrifice us on.

Once we got safely, bite-free, back to our car we headed to the club area. In Amarillo there is no certain area for clubbing like Philly we had to go down side streets and almost on the outskirts to find the club. We walked in and it was dead, but the drinks were cheap and the music was good, so we stayed. About a half hour after we arrived this couple came in and took a spot next to the dance floor. The girl approached Carissa and asked her to join her on the dance floor since her boyfriend would not. Carissa immediately declined and turned her towards me. By this point in the night I was ready to dance. So I took her hand and I escorted her to the dance floor. This girl was already tipsy and she was wearing six inch heels. Thank God I know how to move on a dance floor, but really extra thanks that I have the strength to grab people before they hit the floor. Those shoes and her inebriation were not a good combo. Every other spin her ankles would wobble and I’d grab her in a way that it looked like a sweet move. The whole 10 people at the bar were quite impressed with our performance.

Then things started getting weird. I danced by my lonesome to a song and went into the restroom. I came out to see my Mini Me dancing to the song that I just danced to. He was about a foot and a half shorter than me, and oddly wearing the exact same blue shirt/white shorts combo from Old Navy.  As I walked back to the table there was a commotion at the door. Somehow a toad or two made their way into the bar. I’m not talking about ugly people, I mean real toad. Rib bit Rib bit!!! We took that as a sign to leave.

Being as classy as I am, I changed my outfit at the car in the parking lot. Good thing I had on my boxers that said “Shake it.” We began our drive to Albuquerque it was about four hours out and it was only 10pm. At one point in the final stretch we pulled over to admire the pure amazingness of a Texan sky at night. We were awestruck. The stars at night were truthfully big and bright deep in the heart of Texas. The only other times I have seen a sky like that where in a planetarium and watching Planet Earth on the Discovery Channel.

We were about thirty minutes from Albuquerque when we started looking for lodging. There were two hotels off the next exit we were going to check out, but they both had no vacancy. There was motel named Sunny Skies off the very next exit. We pulled in and pulled right out. There was no way we were staying there. It appeared as though Janet Lee would have been safer at Bates Motel than us if we stayed there. We finally found a Motel 6 two exits down and crashed for the night.

The next day we slept in a little bit and headed downtown to Rudy’s the best BBQ place in all of New Mexico. I made Carissa partake in a brisket sandwich. It was Heaven; their homemade sauce is to die for. After our lunch we hunted down the one thing I had to show her. Mind you I have been to Albuquerque quite a few times for business so I knew my way around the area. Just a few blocks away stood the World’s Largest Arrow. It sits in the middle of a Super Fresh parking lot and is about 300’ tall. I love kitsch things and this made my day. We gathered our memories and souvenirs and hopped back in the car and headed toward our middle destination, Los Angeles!!!

We had no idea what kind of storm laid ahead of us…

St. Louis and the Chair

Its 5am on July 12^th, I pull up to Carissa’s place and we load the car. Both of us are already so tired.  1) We don’t get up this early. 2) We both barely slept the night before in anticipation for this day. It had finally arrived! That was the day our cross country road trip to Los Angles began!!!

The morning was kind of uneventful, we stopped for coffee and bathroom breaks and that was it. Carissa and I talked about our plans for LA and listened to some awesome music. After hours and hours of driving, our first stop was Indianapolis to see “The Crooked House.” We drove around for an hour, got directions from 3 different people (all pointing us in the same direction), and we never found it! I am convinced it doesn’t exist.

About three hours later, we made it to our first over-night stop, St. Louis, MO. Sixteen hours of driving and we finally made it to the Gateway Arch. It was bigger than I had expected and it was a wonderful site as we were driving up to the city. IDK what’s wrong with me, I am just a goofball, but ever since the moment I knew I was going to St. Louis, I had in my head that I was going to dance under the Gateway Arch to “Meet Me In St. Louis” by Judy Garland. I was stoked about doing this and I was not going to let anything deter me. In my head I thought I was the coolest person ever, but I can see why others gave me “that look” when I told them my plans for the Arch.

When we arrived at the Arch, we parked right along the shores of the Mississippi River…or as we called it the Missippippi River. We paused to take a few minutes to dip our toes in the famous river.  After that I set up the camera stand and radio so we could film ourselves dancing under the Arch. Everyone around us was staring, but we didn’t care we did our thing and had fun doing it. Follow this link to laugh with/at me. https://www.facebook.com/mr.steve12#!/photo.php?v=10151135828509744

That night we were supposed to camp out in St. Louis, but we decided at hotel would be better. We checked into our room, exhausted. We each had a beer and turned on a SVU marathon. Well SVU marathons are never a good choice when trying to fall asleep. Dick Wolf always sucks you in!!! The next day we woke up early and had breakfast then ventured out toward our next stop, Amarillo, TX. About three hours into the drive we saw a sign that read: “World’s Largest Rocking Chair.”

I switched lanes immediately to get off the exit. Once off the exit we turned on to the Old Route 66 and about 5 miles up the road, in a clearing, in all its glory was the Rocking Chair. Standing at 42’ 4’’, it was breathtaking. It was attached to this little country shop appropriately named, Danny’s Gas Hole. The name in itself was enough for us to venture inside, but we were a little leery of the place. Being in the backwoods of America is always a little creepy. We were not prepared for the crazy, amazingness that waited for us inside.

The floors we all natural pine hardwood. The ceilings and walls were made of the same pine, but in a high gloss finish. The place had a touch of class to it even though the outside is very deceptive. It was beautiful inside. The only thing that was “off” about it was all the animal trophies that littered the store. They had grizzly bears in two corners, squirrels all over the place and posed in to ridiculous poses (ex. Golfing, canoeing, swimming, and tanning). There was a huge hornets’ nest on display and a giant zebra carcass on the ceiling. It was, as Ace Ventura would say, “a lovely room of death.”  It was a quickie mart, taxidermy shop, gas station, archery range, and then there was the liquor store.

This was like any other liquor except they had homemade moonshine on display…and there was a free tasting!!! Whose day just got better? OUR’S DID!!! The lady who ran the store was also the cashier and bartender for the morning. Yes, I said morning…it was roughly 10:30am. She told us a short story about moonshiners from the old days and cracked a few jokes as she prepared our shots. She was so cool she did not get offended when I started asking questions about how they prepared their moonshine. I literally asked her “Do you make this in your bathtub or a secret cellar under your barn?” She smiled and dodged the question by saying “Let’s keep a little mystery in the story.” That answer was good enough for me.

The first shot was plain moonshine. It was strong and tasted of rubbing alcohol. I’m sure my chest hair grew longer from the power of that first shot. Carissa was holding onto the counter catching her breath. When us mature adults regained our composure, we complimented her on the strength of that shot, and laughed a little uneasy laugh. We had to calm down for a few more seconds and she told us to go to the icebox and get a cola to wash it down with. When we returned she told us the next shot was cherry moonshine. It sounded delicious until I realized it was actual cherries soaked in the regular moonshine. The first shot was tough to take, but so much fun trying to keep down, and now it was that plus cherries. I am not a fan of cherries. I was nervous and started over thinking, but I said “When in Rome” and I popped it in my mouth and chewed like there was no tomorrow. Meanwhile, Carissa was enjoying her cherry as I was finishing up like my life depended on it.

After that second shot, we began to feel the effects. The laughter became more frequent, it felt like the temperature rose a few degrees, and I was swaying to the beat in my head. We thought we were done, but that wonderful lady surprised us with a third shot. We were both a little on edge and doubting the third shot since the first two’s taste was so strong. Well the lady convinced us the third is the best and everything would be fine after we took it. It was cinnamon apple. It was so warm and smooth going down. It was delicious!!! The taste was of an apple pie straight out of the oven. We had to buy a jar of it to take home. Well played lady well played!!!

After that third shot, we had to calm down so we did a little shopping. We bought Route 66 souvenirs for family and friends. We seriously contemplated trying archery for a hot minute. For the safety of others and ourselves we opted up. We also had a blast taking pics with every stuffed carcass that lined the walls of the store. We had a blast and before we left we took a picture of our wonderful bartender. We hopped back in the car at 11:30am and pressed onward to Amarillo, TX.

To Be Continued…

Naughty In Nashville

Where do I begin?

 Every year I work a major convention for my company. It’s always at a different venue, and this year it was in Nashville, TN. I have never been to Nashville and had it as a place to visit on my bucket list. I also have never gone on a vacation/trip with a friend.  My whole family was going, but at the last minute my sister had to stay behind to man the office. There was an opening and I begged my parents to let me bring a friend. So that’s how Anna Banana got invited. We planned for weeks and weeks. We saved up, organized our itinerary and mapped out all the cool sights to see…while making sure it worked around the conference schedule.

The day before we left, we found out that my Aunt, Uncle, and Cousin were going to ride down with us, and we were going to drop them off in South Carolina so they could move their stuff out of storage to their new house in PA. We all convened at my parents’ house at 3am and loaded into the van. Those of you, who know me, know that I am happy-go-lucky 95% of the time. The other 5% is usually because I have not had enough sleep. Well Anna and I were dumb asses and decided to hangout the night before instead of sleep so we were tired. One thing you have to know about my Aunt is she is the loudest of all my relatives. She’s loving, funny, and happy like me, but damn she is loud!!! Maybe because she has 6 boys and a husband she has to yell over. Either way her voice is not meant to be stuck in a van with me at 3am. My little cousin, who is 21, is a goofball and loves to start trouble. Before we got out of Jersey, Anna and I had both had a headache, were felt up by my cousin, and had fallen asleep.

Just as I had dozed off completely Aunt Nee woke me up to ask (in a very loud voice) “How about you all come to my house for Thanksgiving dinner?” I said OK and Anna jumped up in a daze and asked in an all too serious, whiny voice: “Why are you yelling?” and fell right back to sleep. That was at 3:45am. We were able to catch some Z’s, but by 6am we were up for the rest of the trip. We did your typical dorky road trip stuff. We sang, talked, played the license plate game, read, and were felt up multiple times by my cousin. (Let me clarify this was not sexual, just annoying.) He and Anna thought it was hilarious. I however really hate being touched if it’s unnecessary or not intimate.

Time flew, next thing you know we were pulling up at the storage unit in South Carolina. My Dad rented the U-Haul and we were about to load it up, but not before we ran into a couple problems. First we couldn’t open the door because everything shifted during the earthquake a month prior. We were able to prop it open just wide enough to send my cousin inside to push the boxes back. After he shimmied in, he was relatively quick in getting the door open. We threw open the U-Haul’s door and as soon as Dad grabbed the first box, it down poured! Drenched, we worked as fast and as efficient as we could. Within an hour and a half, we had the truck loaded and were on our way to a warm meal.

We settled on Ryan’s Buffet (one of the best buffets in the South) and had a wonderfully, put-it-all-out-there gay waiter that made everyone at the table uncomfortable except for Anna and me, who kept chuckling every time someone became a little uneasy. After stuffing our faces on that delicious food, we found a room for the night and passed out.

The next morning we were up at 5am and said our goodbyes to Aunt Nee, Christian, and Uncle Steve. Now it was just the 4 of us and we were finally headed to Nashville, but not without stopping at Krispy Kreme for a sugar-filled donut. We arrived in N-ville just around lunch. We were all hungry so I looked to my trusty handmade guide to see which places I had listed for a quick lunch. Bar-Ba-Cutie came up on the list. It was a kitsch little building with a giant cowgirl sign welcoming you in.  It was definitely delicious…for fast food BBQ. The brisket tasted like heaven and the multiple sauces were to die for. Like all fast food, by the time we got to the hotel, we were paying for it.

We checked in to the hotel and the rents called it a night, but Anna and I had to get dressed and ready because we were meeting our friend Jenda and her boyfriend, Derek. It was the Saturday before Halloween so we planned on hitting at least one bar, but not before we saw as many wonderful sites as N-ville had to offer. We got to see the sculpture of polar bears in a snowball fight, a catfish dressed as a boy scout, and trees shaped as bison!!! Who knew N-ville was so cool? We headed downtown and got to see this huge statue called Musica. It was a beautifully crafted stone statue of pagan people dancing to music. We also stumbled onto a very large rooster, which of course Derek and I had to “compare” sizes with it. And as a special treat from the universe to me, we saw a studio where Gladys Knight and Elvis had both recorded records.

Before we hit the club, we toured the Charlie Daniels’ Museum, caught a glimpse of the dancers in Coyote Ugly, went to a hookah bar, and made a few friends. We eventually settled on a karaoke bar, which I of course had to sing Proud Mary. As we were waiting for my named to be called, and as we were slinging back Snake Bite shots, I realized that every single person singing was amazing!!! Like American Idol Winner good. At one point (two songs before I went on) the bartenders and waitresses sang a group song together and WOW is all I have to say. Well after a shot of liquid encouragement, I was up on stage rockin’ out and do-do-doing my thing. Half the crowd cheered the other half was too drunk to notice I was singing. Of course my wonderful friends were cheering me on like they were my groupies. Afterward we danced the night away and went unconscious as soon as our heads hit the pillow.

The next day was Sunday, and my rents and I took Anna to church and from what I remember, the message was very uplifting. Once church was finished, we all met my Mom’s cousin, Rosemarie for lunch. After lunch we headed to President Jackson’s plantation. This was one of my favorite things we did on the whole trip. We got to tour his HUGE mansion, the kitchen, the help quarters, and all of his fields. I know some of you may think this would be boring, but shut up and wait till I get to the good part. The BEST THING about the plantation was it had a huge cotton field, and YES, I got to pick cotton!!! It was amazing! I had a blast, I tied a scarf around my head and picked away while singing “Pick a Bail of Cotton.”  I was having a blast until the closed petals, started stabbing me. Holy cow, I had no clue cotton had stickers on them; no wonder the slaves hated their masters. Cotton picking was so easy until your hand started to bleed, but I picked away. I learned so much that day, and had so much fun, and I can now say I am an official cotton picker. I have so many pics of this…literally one of my favorite memories from life.

Later on that night we went to Conway Twitty’s estate to sit for a taping of Solid Rock’s Country Christmas Special. Afterwards we toured his beautiful estate. It was decorated with millions of Christmas lights, and there were flowers upon flowers everywhere. Gazeboes popped up every few yards, and there was even a running creek through the middle of the place. It was a winter wonderland even though it was 60* outside.  Once we finished the tour, Ro took us to the Grand Ole Opry. It was closed, but we were able to get some good shots outside and inside the main foyer.

The next day was set up for the convention. The four of us arrived at the convention center and our crates were nowhere in sight. We had shipped the crates weeks prior as we always do, but there was a mix up and they “couldn’t find it.” I have never raised so much hell. (Except that one time I ordered Peppermint Hot Chocolate and there was no peppermint in my cocoa.) We stayed at the convention center twiddling our thumbs till 3pm when the booth finally showed up. In all the history of my convention working, I never erected the booth as fast as that day in Nashville. We were done in less than an hour then we finally ventured out to grab some grub. Margaritaville was the restaurant of choice. Anna and I shared a Taco Tower which was a bit overwhelming. Made up of two bags of tortilla chips, the tower stood two feet high with nothing but cheese and refried beans gluing it together. Not, thinking we both went for a center piece…the tower almost toppled, but the look on our faces and laughter was priceless.

After the early dinner we headed back to the convention center for an opening ceremonies/Halloween party.  It was nice, a few finger foods, dancing and free drink tickets! As a special treat, AVS hired country singer, Kinsey Rose to perform at the soirée. My parents needed some rest after the exhausting two days, so they left, but Anna and I stayed and called Jenda to hang out. After all it was Halloween (the first ever I celebrated away from home) and it was the last time to have some fun before the business week began.

First stop was an old record shop where the country singers of the 40s and 50s used to record their records. Then it was on to Printer’s Alley where the first newspaper of Nashville was printed. Well I thought it would be a historical, learning site…I was wrong. Although a historical site, it was now revamped into nothing but a long strip of karaoke clubs…HEAVEN!!! All the buildings were fashioned as the ones you would see in the French Quarter of New Orleans. The very first sign we saw was advertising “Nude Karaoke.” Ok, so I figured it would be strippers singing for an audience…I already had the script written for Lifetime…boy was I wrong. Anyone who wanted to sing had to strip down as they sang. I, loving crazy life experiences, wanted to try it out, but I am also a very modest man and we passed on it. But hey way to be exhibitionists, Nashvillites.

We skipped out on karaoke because we were afraid we might end up dead in that alley if we let loose. So we asked a few people where the good clubs were and they all sent us across town. We found free parking and there was no cover. So far the night was looking better.  We entered the bar and it was a crazy costume party, and we three were the only ones not dressed up. Well I am always great at spinning situations to my advantage, and since I was wearing new kicks and a red flannel I convinced half the bar I was dressed up as a lesbian. Hahahaha!!! We made a few friend out of Quailman, Might Mouse, Spok , a scarecrow, and some girl dressed up as Christina Ricci from Pan Am. (Truth be told it looked like she ate Christina Ricci and tried on her clothes out of some sick pleasure she got from killing a victim.) We had a blast drinking, laughing, making new friends, and dancing.

I had to take a pee break and when I came back there was this guy and his entourage chatting it up with Anna and Jenda. I came over to see what was going on…mainly I didn’t want the girls to abandon me. I got over there and Anna has her arm around this guy as Jenda is chatting up his friends and the guy is signing magazine covers saying he’s famous and he loves them. We were all too tipsy to believe anything and I had to applaud the guy for that “come on” technique. Hell when I meet strangers I say I’m famous too.  He bought all of us two rounds of drinks and we all chit chatted for an hour or so then the guys had to leave. Before they left Jenda had to get pics of our new friends. I snapped a few of the girls and Jared, and then he turned to me and asked if I wanted a pic. What the hell why not? He was cool and bought us drinks so of course I’ll take a pic. As he walked out, Drunk Anna took over Banana’s body, and she grabbed him by the shirt and told him to stay with her right before she gave him a peck. SIDE NOTE: This was so hot to watch in action. We laughed it off and enjoyed the rest of the night.

We had Jenda drop us off at the hotel and that’s when we realized we were starving!!! Drunk munchies hit us so hard, we walked about a third of a mile down to the Waffle House. Mind you the road we walked down was probably set at an 80* angle. Once in the Waffle House it took us all but 2 seconds to order our meal. Waffles...DUH!!! Then the giggle set it. We could not control ourselves. Reminiscing about the past few days had us all riled up. I took over the jukebox and for some reason I played “Wind Beneath My Wings. “ I forgot I requested that song, and we had just calmed down when it started playing. We giggled for a second at the amazingness of my choice. Then out of nowhere, totally blind siding us, the older white waitress (50) and the young black waiter (19) started belting that song out to the top of their lungs. Stunned, Anna and I could do nothing but laugh and applaud them. That was the icing on the cake for a wonderful evening.

The next day it was business time. The fun had to come to an end. Dad and I handled the show while Mom and Anna had time to wonder around the city. Around noon my phone kept ringing. I was busy with a couple customers at the time, but as soon as I could, I called Anna back. She was so wired and was speaking way faster than she normally does. Here she was reading the magazine Jared signed for her and here he was like a D-List celebrity. His name was Jared Allman and he did a few shows on the Sundance Channel. We actually met and partied with a celebrity!!! Who knew?

All in all the week was very exciting, and the convention was very lucrative. It will be a memory I will forever laugh at. Even though I hate most things country, I loved Nashville and can’t wait to return.

The End of Sober September

Goodbye Sober September!!! Hello Not-So-Sober October!!!

Well I did it, and it was quite easy. With the exception of one special occasion, I stayed sober all through September. I have stayed true to my diet and exercise. I slimmed down 20lbs and 20 inches. I look and feel amazing. This month has been a roller coaster of cray, and like an adult I have handled it all without alcohol. Now I will be keeping true to my diet and exercise, but I cannot wait to try some of that new pumpkin pie vodka!!!

New blogs to be coming this week. Sorry for the hiatus.

Tsunami Survivor

(This poem came to me after a very vivid dream.)

 

The day is clear.
In the market we walk.
Suddenly distant screams,
Animals are fleeing,
A wall of blue is headed our way.

Running,

I grab my friend’s hand.
Legs at full speed,
Lungs are burning.

Blue surrounds us.
I lose grip,
Ripped apart,
We never see each other again.

Soaked,
Being tossed around.
I try.
I can’t.

Life before my eyes,
Darkness.
A dream,
Pressure on my chest,
A lover’s kiss,
Air fills my lungs once more.

Daylight,
A Good Samaritan.
Life.
Salvation.

Sober Sept Update

So it is 6 whole days into Sober September, which is cool because I've gone longer without. But this past weekend is the first in such a long time that I did not have a drink. I am having a blast enjoying life. I have more stamina, I am waking up earlier...naturally, and I have already shed 5lbs. I'm on vaycay in Ocean City, NJ and just because I am on vaycay, doesn't mean I am sticking to my old ways. I have made smarter food choices (except for Promenade Pizza..the best on the boardwalk), been exercising, and damn those waves have been giving me a good pounding.

Next week I will be back in the gym and on the dance floor. Also Monday I start my boxing classes and I am so stoked...for the first time ever I am actually gun ho about getting my fat ass in shape. I plan to drop 20lbs by the middle of October, and be looking amazing for my birthday come December.

Wish me luck, and push me not to quit!!!

Once In A BLUE MOON

I am so stoked for tonight!!! Tonight is a blue moon, and if you don't know what a blue moon is, it is the second full moon in a month...not the color blue. It's also a delicious beer. This is where the term "once in a blue moon" came from, and to honor the blue moon, I am going to do something I haven't done in a while.

Tonight I am hanging out with friends I haven't seen in forever. I also joined a gym...to get my ass in shape. I am also taking a break from drinking for the entire month of Sober September. I also started going back to my ballroom dance lessons, and I started a boxing class. I am doing all this not only to honor the blue moon, but to get myself healthy.

I challenge each of you to doing something you have been wanting to do, but let the opportunity slip by. Do something fun. Do something for someone. Do something for yourself. After all this open window only comes around ONCE IN A BLUE MOON!!!

Sober September

Hello All,

Sober September has been a tradition for me for four years, and I want to invite you to join me this year. Much like Lent, I give up alcohol for the 30 days of September. Its fun last year I did nothing else, but give up drinking and lost 19lbs. Well this year is different. Due to all the life changes I have run into this year, I am not only giving up my beloved rum, but I am exercising (for the first time in a long time), eating healthy, and taking my vitamins.

September 1st is the kickoff to a whole new me. Sobered up and working out, my goal is to shed 60-70lbs...not in the month of September. Hopefully this Sober September will push me towards a better, healthier lifestyle.

Don't worry I'm not an alcoholic, I just do this for fun, and I think my liver deserves a nice vaycay. But, when October hits, I would like you all to join me in a toast to sobriety and healthy living. Also just because I won't drink this month, does not mean I can't go dancing! I am a very strong willed man and that won't phase me in the least. Plus I love to get my swerve on!!!

BTW when No-So-Sober October hits, I plan to be at least 20lbs down so try to keep your hands off me. :-)

"May the odds be ever in your favor."

Steve